War Torn

Chapter Sixty-two

STEVE DIDN’T ARGUE WHEN LEANNE ANNOUNCED THAT SHE WANTED him to come home from Headley Court for a day. Since everything he did and said felt hurtful now, she took his failure to put up a fight as indifference.‘For heaven’s sake,’ said Jenny. ‘You’ve turned into one of those things in rock pools at the seaside that close up when you touch them. They even close up when they feel your shadow.’‘Sea urchins?’‘No . . . I’ve forgotten. My brain can’t remember more than the time of the next feed. Anyway, I’m trying to say, stop being so touchy. Steve’s happy to spend a day at home. You’re happy he’s coming. Act happy. The old Leanne would have been laughing and joking all the way down the M3.’Jenny was changing the baby’s nappy. Vicky and the twins were watching TV. Leanne, who was folding washing for her friend, paused thoughtfully.‘What did the old Leanne do if Steve went all silent on her?’‘I expect he did it all the time and she didn’t even notice because she was too busy being a stand-up comedian.’‘I don’t do funny any more.’‘Well, start again.’Leanne sighed. ‘I’m going to ask Kylie at nursery if she’ll take the boys for the whole day.’‘Oh, Leanne, I wish I could help . . .’ Jenny gestured around the room. It was strewn with discarded clothes, pink toys and dirty washing. ‘Now Mum’s gone, it’s chaos here.’‘The boys’ll be fine with Kylie.’‘She split up with her boyfriend. Ben. The one who lost a leg. People are saying nasty things about her for not sticking by him.’‘Not me,’ said Leanne quietly. ‘I don’t blame her.’She was nervous when she arrived at Headley Court to pick up Steve. She half expected to find that he had forgotten or wasn’t ready, and as she parked she prepared herself to get upset. She sat in the car in a disabled parking place near the guardhouse, chewing her lip. It was a windy autumn day. Each gust buffeted the car and threw rain against it. She jumped when her phone rang.‘Anemones!’ said Jenny’s crisp voice.‘You what?’‘Sea anemones. They’re the things that pull in all their petals if they see your shadow because they think everything wants to hurt them. That’s what you mustn’t be, Leanne.’‘So how am I supposed to be again? Just remind me, Jen.’‘Big, noisy, happy, loving, lots of fun, very funny. In other words, just yourself.’‘Christ. I can still do big. But that’s about all.’‘Oh, and sexy.’Leanne swallowed again.‘At the moment we’re two people who don’t fancy each other.’‘You can change all that.’‘Jen . . . listen. I told you I saw his leg. What’s left of it. His stump. I told you I saw it in hospital. But I sort of didn’t because it was still bandaged. I haven’t really seen it yet.’Jenny sighed.‘You’ll have to see it some time.’‘Yeah.’ Leanne’s voice was very small.‘Just brace yourself and tell him he’s still gorgeous and don’t start looking sorry for him. And if he tries giving you shit, don’t burst into tears, for God’s sake.’‘Right.’‘Just put your arms around him and tell him he’d better watch out or you’ll rip off the other leg.’Leanne guffawed.‘Christ, Jen. I’m not such a good actress.’‘Leanne, today you’re going to win an Oscar.’Leanne closed her eyes and took some deep breaths. She started to get out of the car and then paused. She hammered out a quick text: ‘I’m coming in to get you. So you better watch out.’

Agnieszka watched the rain. The wind was throwing it against the window. It was just a matter of time before she heard the familiar sound of water pouring from the leaking gutter.She could see the road, dark as a long, cold river. A car passed, moving slowly, its lights on although it was morning, its windscreen wipers waving from side to side. Luke started crying. She did not turn away from the window.‘That how I feel, Luke. Just like you,’ she told him.Someone walked along the pavement, body doubled against the wind, towing a child along in hat, coat and scarf. The child was crying and objecting but its mother was pulling it along anyway.The car that had passed stopped now. It was parking outside. She saw it was a sports car but she watched it without interest. A man got out. Darrel! She felt her heart miss a beat. Then she was annoyed with herself. Most of all, she was annoyed with her heart.