War Torn

When she returned from the nursery, Agnieszka and Luke had gone.Vicky was being difficult because she was hungry. Jenny normally had her lunch ready when she got home but today, instead, there had been Agnieszka. She turned on the TV for the little girl and tried to make her promise not to go near the splintered glass. But, when she put her head around the door, Vicky was dancing on the carpet barefoot. Jenny began to pick up the glass by hand and then by vacuum and while she did so Vicky’s lunch burned dry.As the smell of charred beef burger leaked into the living room, Jenny rushed back to the kitchen leaving the vacuum on to keep Vicky, who was frightened of it, away from the glass.She threw the lunch in the bin and was starting again, the noise of the TV competing with the vacuum in the living room, when the phone rang. Her first instinct was to let it ring. But it might be Dave. She picked it up.‘Hello . . .’ His voice was far, far away.She wanted to cry.‘Dave!’‘Are you OK?’ He sounded so distant.‘Look, talk to Vicky for a minute,’ she said. ‘Her lunch just burned and there’s glass all over the floor. Talk to Vicks while I sort it out.’She heard his silence echoing back at her. In that silence was the space between England and Afghanistan. Seas and landmasses. Plains and mountains.‘Oh!’ she said, dismayed.‘Vicky?’‘No. No, this is still Jenny. Saying I miss you. And I wish you rang more often and didn’t give other men your phone minutes. And I wish you rang me in the night when it’s quiet and we can talk properly.’‘I don’t give other men my fucking minutes,’ he said. ‘And when I ring you in the night you don’t fucking answer.’‘You’re not talking to one of your men now,’ she snapped. ‘Can’t you stop being a sergeant and start being a husband for just a few minutes a week?’Suddenly the line became clearer and she heard his sigh. Was it resignation? Or regret that he had called at all?‘Oh, Christ,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry. Dave, I’m sorry. I don’t want this kind of phone call. I was with Leanne most of yesterday and so the house is a tip and then Agnieszka came round this morning the minute I’d dropped Vicks off at nursery so I didn’t get anything done. And Luke smashed the photos from the living room and the one of Dad got cut and Vicks is hungry but there’s glass all over the floor and I burned her dinner and . . . and I know you don’t want to hear all this. You don’t have to sound patient with me because I know how boring it all is compared with killing the Taliban. And I know you’re wishing you hadn’t made this call. I know the reason you hardly ever ring is that, when you do, all you hear is this stuff . . .’ She glanced at Vicky and closed the kitchen door, dropping her voice. ‘You don’t have to say it because I already fucking know, Dave.’Dave said: ‘Jen, I do love you.’‘What?’‘Nothing.’‘What did you say?’She had heard. She just needed to hear it again.‘Jen, I love you. I don’t give other men my minutes. The reason I don’t phone you more often is that I try not to think about you because when I do I want you and miss you. OK? Do you know that too?’She started to cry.‘How are you feeling?’‘A bit uptight.’ She sniffed.‘You don’t say!’‘Like when air support comes along and drops a bomb on something but it doesn’t actually go off? But you’re all sitting in your trucks thinking it might any minute?’‘Oh, like that. Yeah, that’s uptight. How’s the baby?’‘Kicking a lot. And I’m enormous and no one can believe I’ve still got so long to go.’‘So did Agnieszka come round just so Luke could smash our photos?’‘She came round to make sure I hadn’t seen her with some bloke at the superstore. But I had.’‘What bloke?’‘I don’t know who he is. She was having a coffee with him and she didn’t want me to see.’‘You’re not saying she’s messing about with someone?’‘I don’t know. I might just be thinking that sort of thing because I’m uptight.’‘Is Agnieszka the type to mess about?’‘Not really. But then everyone’s the type when they’re lost and lonely.’‘Except you.’‘No one’s going to try messing around with a woman whose belly’s bigger than a house. So you’re safe for the time being.’‘Stay pregnant until I get home.’‘No thanks. I’d explode.’‘Jamie’s devoted to Agnieszka,’ Dave said quietly.‘Yeah, he rings her all the time.’‘Hasn’t stopped her cheating on him, though.’‘She might not be. Except that . . .’ Her voice trailed away.‘What? Except what? The line went dead.’‘That wasn’t the line, it was me. I’m probably wrong. But when I was driving back from nursery with Vicky, I thought I saw him.’‘Who?’‘The bloke who was in the café with her.’‘Well, where was he this time?’‘In a car. So I might be wrong. An old red Volvo. But it was driving towards her house. And now it’s parked outside.’Dave groaned.‘I hope you haven’t told anyone.’‘Not about the car. I did mention seeing her in the café . . .’‘Oh-oh.’Jenny sank down into one of the kitchen chairs. Her legs ached. She had been focusing so hard on the call that she had been standing up throughout and now a great tiredness washed over her.‘I’ve only told Adi.’‘OK. Adi’s watertight. What about Leanne?’‘I didn’t tell her because she can’t think about anything except Steve. If they’d just let her talk to him . . . she’s really falling to pieces and if she could hear him it would make a big difference.’‘I used to think Leanne was unbreakable,’ he said.He wasn’t wrong. Leanne Buckle didn’t put up with any nonsense from Steve or anyone. If you were angry about something you’d go and see Leanne and she’d feel angry for you. When Jenny had been pregnant with Vicky and Dave had been away, Leanne had taken up Jenny’s fight with a shop over a faulty TV set and won it. This new, lost tearful Leanne scared Jenny a bit; she was so different from the old Leanne.‘Even the strongest woman would have trouble coping right now. She just sits by the phone waiting to hear if Steve’s going to live or die. She’s scared to go out in case there’s news.’‘We can’t afford for Leanne or you or anyone back home to fall to pieces,’ said Dave. ‘You’re part of the army. More than you know. If you fall, we fall.’‘I don’t want to be part of the army,’ said Jenny. ‘I don’t want you to be either.’‘What?’‘I hate it. I want you to leave.’‘No.’‘It’s driving me crazy, not knowing if you’re safe. Not hearing from you.’‘Jen . . . I’ll try to phone more often, all right?’‘It’s not about phoning. It’s about leaving. I’m serious, Dave. I think you should come out of the army and live in the real world with me and Vicky and the baby.’‘This isn’t the time to discuss it.’‘When is the time?’‘When I get back. When you’re not pregnant and uptight.’She took a deep breath.‘I’m serious and I’m not going to shut up, Dave. I want to talk about it.’‘OK, we will, only not now because there are too many people around.’She didn’t want to argue with him.‘Promise? Because I won’t let it go.’‘Promise. And, listen, Jen, don’t fall apart like Leanne.’She gathered her strength. ‘I’m not falling anywhere. Except asleep sometimes.’She thought she could hear him smiling at the other end. But his voice was serious. ‘Don’t say anything to anyone about Agnieszka messing about. This is important. I don’t want Jamie hearing any rumours. So whatever you’re thinking, make sure you keep it to yourself.’‘And what about you men? Aren’t there women at the base? Suppose rumours reach us about you?’‘There are two women. One’s Royal Military Police so we don’t talk to her. The other’s Intelligence Corps so she doesn’t talk to us.’‘I heard about another.’‘There aren’t any more.’‘Her name’s Emily.’Dave laughed out loud.‘How did you hear about Emily?’‘People talk. There are wives who don’t like the sound of her.’‘Well, the only lad ever to clap eyes on Emily is Billy Finn. And he’s keeping her all to himself.’