When The Bough Breaks

"What? Oh. No, nothing. You've done a great job, Alex. I want you to know I really mean that. I'll take it from here. Why don't you take it easy for a while?"

"Okay," I said without enthusiasm. "But keep me posted."

"I will," he promised. "Bye."

The voice on the other end was female and very professional. It greeted me with the sing - song lilt of a detergent jingle, an isn't - life - wonderful buoyancy that bordered on the obscene.

"Good morning! La Casa!"

"Good morning. I'd like to speak to someone about becoming a member of the Gentleman's Brigade." "Just one moment, sir!"

In twenty seconds a male voice came on the line.

"Tim Kruger. Can I help you?"

"I'd like to talk about joining the Gentleman's Brigade."

"Yes, sir. And what corporation do you represent?"

"None. I'm inquiring as an individual."

"Oh. I see." The voice lost a touch of its friendliness. Disruption of routine did that to some people - threw them off, made them wary. "And your name, please."

"Dr. Alexander Delaware."

It must have been the title that did it because he shifted gears again, immediately.

"Good morning, Doctor. How are you today?"

"Just fine, thank you."

"Terrific. And what kind of doctor are you, if I might ask."

You might.

"Child psychologist. Retired."

"Excellent. We don't get many mental health professionals volunteering. I'm an M.F.C.C. myself, in charge of screening and counseling at La Casa."

"I'd imagine most of them would consider it too much like work," I said. "Being away from the field for a while, the idea of working with children again appeals to me."

"Wonderful. And what led you to La Casa?"

"Your reputation. I've heard you do good work. And you're well organized."

"Well, thank you, Doctor. We do try to do well by our kids!"

"I'm sure you do."

"We give group tours for prospective Gentlemen. The next one is scheduled a week from this Friday."

"Let me check my calendar." I left the phone, looked out the window, did a half - dozen knee bends, and came back. "I'm sorry, Mr. Kruger. That's a bad day for me. When's the next one?"

"Three weeks later."

"That's such a long way off. I was hoping to get going sooner." I tried to sound wistful and just a little impatient.

"Hmm. Well, Doctor, if you don't mind something a bit more impromptu than the group orientation, I can give you a personalized tour. There'll be no way to assemble the video show in time, but as a psychologist you know a lot of that stuff, anyway."

"That sounds just fine."

"In fact, if you're free this afternoon, I could arrange it for then. Reverend Gus is here today - he likes to meet all potential Gentlemen - and that's not always the case, what with his travel schedule. He's taping Merv Griffin this week, then flying to New York for an "A.M. America." "

He imparted the news of McCaffrey's television activities with the solemnity of a crusader unveiling the Holy Grail.

"Today would be perfect."

"Excellent. Around three?"

"Three it is."

"Do you know where we are?"

"Not exactly. In Malibu?"

"In Malibu Canyon." He gave me directions, then added: "While you're there you can fill out our screening questionnaires. It would be a formality in a case such as yours, Doctor, but we do have to go through the motions. Though I don't imagine psychological tests would be very valid for screening a psychologist, would they?"

"I don't imagine so. We write 'em, we can subvert 'em."

He laughed, straining to be collegial.

"Any other questions?"

"I don't think so."

"Terrific. I'll see you at three."

Malibu is as much an image as it is a place. The image is beamed into the living rooms of America on TV, splashed across the movie screen, etched into the grooves of LPs and emblazoned on the covers of trashy paperbacks. The image is one of endless stretches of sand; oiled, naked brown bodies; volleyball on the beach; sun - bleached hair; making love under a blanket with coital cadence timed to match the in - and out - of the tide; million - dollar shacks that teeter on pilings sunken into terra that isn't a firma and, in fact, does the hula after a hard rain; Corvettes, seaweed and cocaine.

All of that is valid. But limited.