Wings

‘That's sad for him,” he said, looking at her, and then he started to cry again, thinking about the air show. The poor kid had been only twenty. “It could have been you, Cass,” he said through his tears. “It could have been you last year. I was never so scared as when I watched you.”

“I know,” she smiled, “I scared the pants off Nick too, but I knew what I was doing.”

“That's what we all think,” he said gloomily. “Chris probably thought so too.”

“But he never did know, Dad. He wasn't like us.”

“I know,” he agreed. They all knew it too. Chris had really never known what he was doing. “I just keep thinking of how he looked when you and Billy pulled him out.” He looked sick as he thought about it, and not knowing what else to do, she poured him another drink. But by lunchtime, he was slurring and half asleep. And then finally, he dozed off, and she just let him sit there. Maybe the best thing for him was to sleep. Her mother came back that afternoon with two of Cassie's sisters, and by then her father was awake and had sobered up again. Cassie made them all something to eat, and then they sat talking quietly in the kitchen.

It was odd being with all of them, and Cassie realized that they seemed to be waiting for something. It was as though the reality of Chris's being gone hadn't sunk in yet, and everyone was waiting for him to come home, or for someone to tell them it hadn't happened. But it had. It had been as bad as it could have been. It couldn't have been much worse, except if he had suffered.

Glynnis and Megan left when Colleen arrived, with all her kids, and the brief chaos did them all good, and then finally they were alone again. Cassie cooked dinner for her parents, and she was glad she was there with them. She had no idea yet when she'd be leaving. Her mother cried again at the end of the meal, and Cassie put her to bed, like a child, but her father seemed better that night. He was calmer and very clear-headed, and he wanted to talk to her after Oona had gone to bed. He asked her about her work, and if she liked it, what kind of planes she'd been flying, and about her life in LA He knew the year was up and he wondered if Cassie would stay in LA or come home now. With Chris gone, his concerns were more poignant.

“I've been offered a new contract.” Cassie answered his question directly.

“What's he giving you?” he asked with interest.

“Double what he paid me last year,” she said proudly, “but I was going to send the difference to you and Mom. I really don't need it.”

“You might,” her father said gruffly. “You never know what can happen. Your sisters have their husbands to take care of them, but you, and Chris…” And then he caught himself and his eyes filled with tears again as she touched his hand and he held hers tightly. “I forget sometimes,” he said through his tears.

“I know, Daddy… so do I…” She had been thinking about Chris that afternoon, and wondered if he was in Walnut Grove with Jessie, and then she remembered. It was as though their hearts and minds just didn't want to accept it. She had talked to Jessie on the phone that afternoon, and she felt that way too. She said she kept listening for his truck. They all did.

“Anyway, I want you to keep the money,” Pat said firmly.

“That's silly.”

“Why is he paying you so much?” he asked with a worried frown. “He's not making you do anything dishonest, is he, Cass? Or too dangerous?”

“No more dangerous than any other test pilot who works for him, and probably less so. He's got a big investment in me. I think he just thinks I'm useful to the company, because I'm a woman, and all the publicity… the speed records I've set are important for his planes.” And then she looked at him, wondering if it was too soon to tell him. But she wanted to tell him now. She wanted to sign the contract as soon as she went back. She had thought about it a lot in the last few days, in spite of Chris, and she knew what she wanted.

“He wants me to do a world tour, Dad,” she said quietly, and for a moment, there was a long silence while he absorbed it.

“What kind of world tour? There's a war on, you know.”

“I know. He said we'd have to work around it. But he thinks it could be done safely, if we plan our route carefully.”

“So did George Putnam,” her father said grimly. He had just lost one child, he didn't want to lose another. “There's no way to do a world tour safely, Cass, war or no. There are too many variables, too many dangers. Your engines could fail. You could navigate wrong. You could hit a storm. A million unexpected things could happen.”

“But less so in one of his planes, and if I took the right man with me.”

“Did you have anyone in mind?” He thought instantly of Nick, but he couldn't go now.

Cassie nodded. “I thought maybe Billy.” Pat hesitated while he thought about it, and then he nodded.