Witches Abroad

"That's what happens," said Granny. "You get too involved with stories, you get confused. You don't know what's really real and what isn't. And they get you in the end. They send you weird in the head. I don't like stories. They're not real. I don't like things that ain't real."

She pushed open a door.

"Ah. A chamber," she said sourly. "Could even be a bower."

"Doesn't the stuff grow quickly!" said Magrat.

"Part of the time spell," said Granny. "Ah. There she is. Knew there'd be someone somewhere."

There was a figure lying on a bed, in a thicket of rose bushes.

"And there's the spinning wheel," said Nanny, pointing to a shape just visible in a clump of ivy.

"Don't touch it!" said Granny.

"Don't worry, I'll pick it up by the treadle and pitch it out of the window."

"How do you know all this?" said Magrat.

" ‘Cos it's a rural myth," said Nanny. "It's happened lots of times."

Granny Weatherwax and Magrat looked down at the sleeping figure of a girl of about thirteen, almost silvery under the dust and pollen.

"Isn't she pretty," sighed Magrat, the generous-hearted.

From behind them came the crash of a spinning wheel on some distant cobbles, and then Nanny Ogg appeared, brushing her hands.

"Seen it happen a dozen times," she said.

"No you ain't," said Granny.

"Once, anyway," said Nanny, unabashed. "And I heard about it dozens of times. Everyone has. Rural myth, like I said. Everyone's heard about it happening in their cousin's friend's neighbour's village - "

"That's because it does," said Granny.

Granny picked up the girl's wrist.

"She's asleep because she'll have got a - " Nanny said.

Granny turned.

"I know, I know. I know, right? I know as well as you. You think I don't know?" She bent over the limp hand. "That's fairy godmothering, this is," she added, half to herself. "Always do it impressively. Always meddling, always trying to be in control! Hah! Someone got a bit of poison? Send everyone to sleep for a hundred years! Do it the easy way. All this for one prick. As if that was the end of the world." She paused. Nanny Ogg was standing behind her. There was no possible way she could have detected her expression. "Gytha?"

"Yes, Esme?" said Nanny Ogg innocently.

"I can feel you grinnin'. You can save the tu'penny-ha'penny psycholology for them as wants it."

Granny shut her eyes and muttered a few words.

"Shall I use my wand?" said Magrat hesitantly.

"Don't you dare," said Granny, and went back to her muttering.

Nanny nodded. "She's definitely getting a bit of colour back," she said.

A few minutes later the girl opened her eyes and stared up blearily at Granny Weatherwax.

"Time to get up," said Granny, in an unusually cheerful voice, "you're missing the best part of the decade."

The girl tried to focus on Nanny, then on Magrat, and then looked back at Granny Weatherwax.

"You?" she said.

Granny raised her eyebrows and looked at the other two.

"Me?"

"You are - still here?"

"Still?" said Granny. "Never been here before in my life, Miss."

"But - " the girl looked bewildered. And frightened, Magrat noticed.

"I'm like that myself in the mornings, dear," said Nanny Ogg, taking the girl's other hand and patting it. "Never at my best till I've had a cup of tea. I expect everyone else'll be waking up any minute. Of course, it'll take ‘em a while to clean the rats' nests out of the kettles - Esme?"

Granny was staring at a dust-covered shape on the wall.

"Meddling..." she whispered.

"What's up, Esme?"

Granny Weatherwax strode across the room and wiped the dust off a huge ornate mirror.

"Hah!" she said, and spun around. "We'll be going now," she said.

"But I thought we were going to have a rest. I mean, it's nearly dawn," said Magrat.

"No sense in outstaying our welcome," said Granny, as she left the room.

"But we haven't even had a..." Magrat began. She glanced at the mirror. It was a big oval one, in a gilt frame. It looked perfectly normal. It wasn't like Granny Weatherwax to be frightened of her own reflection.

"She's in one of her moods again," said Nanny Ogg. "Come on. No sense in staying here." She patted the bewildered princess on the head. "Cheerio, Miss. A couple of weeks with a broom and an axe and you'll soon have the old place looking like new."

"She looked as if she recognized Granny," said Magrat, as they followed the stiff hurrying figure of Esme Weather-wax down the stairs.

"Well, we know she doesn't, don't we," said Nanny Ogg. "Esme has never been in these parts in her life."

"But I still don't see why we have to rush off," Magrat persisted. "I expect people will be jolly grateful that we've broken the spell and everything."

The rest of the palace was waking up. They jogged past guards staring in amazement at their cobwebbed uniforms and the bushes that were growing everywhere. As they crossed the forested courtyard an older man in faded robes staggered out of a doorway and leaned against the wall, trying to get his bearings. Then he saw the accelerating figure of Granny Weatherwax.

"You?" he shouted, and, "Guards!"