Women are not unicorns

Have you ever thought about it?

How often have you asked your sexual partners: “do you have a certificate that you are healthy?”

Oh, this is certainly very exciting. I can see it straight away. You are both so wound up, and suddenly: “What if he has ureaplasma?”

Ewww. I throw up my brushes.

Nobody wants to ruin such a moment. We all think that a condom will save us.

Latex, I tell you, sometimes breaks.

And even more so, a candle, cap or coil will not protect against STDs.

Hormones don't do this either.

Can you imagine how much we would have saved on health, nerves and money on treatment if we had asked in time: “Do you have a certificate?” And not just any, but the freshest.

HPV, by the way, is not HIV, in case anyone is scared. Although be afraid of him too. HPV is such a nasty thing that causes condylomas, papillomas to grow on your genitals and, worse, causes cervical cancer.

Girls, I studied at medical college and university for seven damn years, and forgive me for my French, I call a spade a spade, without worrying about your lovely ears and eyes.

But since you are reading this book, you should stop gagging and gain strength to finish reading this chapter. She's not the nicest.

Ureaplasmosis is an infectious disease that may not manifest itself for years until a woman discovers that she cannot become pregnant. Like any infection, it causes low-grade inflammation in the vagina and genitals in general, which interferes with the normal course of pregnancy.

Luckily, I discovered everything earlier. At the medical college we were sent to take tests, or rather they were strongly recommended.

They did this correctly, doctors are the same students, which means promiscuity, alcohol and drugs. Just kidding, it’s just that doctors are more vigilant in this regard and should set an example for the rest of the population. More enlightened, I would even say.

So, at the dermatovenerological dispensary, and it was there that they accepted me under an insurance policy, I learned several different things.

The first thing is that a male gynecologist is no worse than a female gynecologist is also unpleasant.

The second thing is to find out that your defloration turned out to be even worse than you thought. Not only that, the yard dog followed you half the way instead of the guy who was supposed to accompany you. There are also two infectious diseases.

I put my palm to my face with annoyance.

At twenty years old, I learned about the consequences of an event four years ago, and I was surprised.

You know he wasn't dirty. What’s more, you couldn’t tell from his appearance whether he was sick with something. He was an ordinary guy, like everyone else.

Moreover, as I later learned in college, the frequency of ureaplasmosis and human papillomatosis virus is so high that no matter where you poke it, you will end up with an infected person.

But I was treated, I recovered, my tests turned out to be clean. That is, healthy people exist, which means I could present the certificate to my boyfriend if he asked.

Then I began to be more suspicious of coitus with a stranger. “Are you really healthy? And if not, are you ready to undergo treatment?”

No, of course I didn't ask that. It was worth it though. I monitored the integrity of the condom and did not allow contact without it.

Now from the position of a woman who has been married for ten years, I understand that it was necessary to rip everyone in the tail and mane, damn it, no certificate — no sex.

It was necessary to demand a certificate at convenient and inconvenient moments.

“Show me! No? Then, hello, amigo!”

And I don’t care what he thinks bad about you. Let him at least consider her a frigid bitch. There was no need to even worry about this topic. Now yes, you become wiser, you understand everything from the position of a queen sitting on a soft pillow. And then I ran around the city with an awl in my ass in search of love. And God forbid that everything is ruined by a stupid question about a certificate.

Girls, girls, I really hope that you make an appointment today and get tested as soon as possible.

If you have a regular partner, he should also get tested and undergo treatment if something is found.

And certainly, if there is no permanent one, then under no pretext do not agree to coitus without one hundred percent certainty that it is pure. Let you lose this irresponsible dirty fellow, then you will suffer with your health, or even worse, this irresponsible little man will live with you.

You know, HPV and ureaplasmosis are not all diseases transmitted by the oral route. Oh, sorry, sexual. I completely forgot about censorship.

Well, so you understand that they are most often spread through contact with the genitals.

STDs include gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, trichomoniasis, candidiasis, chlamydia, genital herpes and so on. Wikipedia will tell you about them very delicately. If you just go online and search, you will be inundated with beautiful pictures of our favorite buds and peppers, ulcerated and leaking pus.