You Don't Know Me

I was all set to just walk over and get her when I saw a car pull up and wind its window down. Some next man was talking at her but she was looking straight into the distance. Then a guy comes over, one of these Glockz boys probably, and takes some money off of the driver and then pushes her in the back seat. And just like that she was gone. Again.

I waited all night for her to come back but she never came back. I didn’t know where she’d gone or whether she was alive even. By the time I went home it was light and I felt worse than I did before I saw her. I went back the next day and then the next day after that but nothing. One time there was a different girl there but not Kira. I even spoke to her but she didn’t know who Kira was and then I ran as a Glockz boy had come running over. He was shouting that he’d shoot me and whatever for wasting his time but I didn’t care about that.

After that I linked up Curt again and asked him to find out what the score was. They moved these girls around a bit, he told me. You couldn’t leave a girl in one place. It was bad for business. Punters wanted new faces and if they saw the same old face day after day they would go elsewhere. And then some of the others would grow too attached and that also caused problems of a different kind.

Curt gave me a list of other places to try so I tried them but I didn’t find her again. I had some wheels that I was finding it difficult to sell on and started driving round to look for her. You could only cover so many miles on foot and bus so I knew I needed to drive. The wheels made it easier even though these weren’t my ends and I didn’t want to be tagged for my car. Boys recognize your ride and the kind of ride I was rocking weren’t no Ford Fiesta that you could be invisible in. This one was an Audi A3 with some bad alloys on it and for the first time in my life I wished I was driving some old man’s car that wouldn’t attract any attention. It might sound stupid to you but there are kids out there who know who owns every car in their area and who will ring out the bells if some phat car turns up scouting the estate.

Even so, I went from place to place, looking and looking. In one night sometimes I went to six or seven different spots in King’s Cross, Swiss Cottage, Angel, Tottenham, everywhere on my list. Then about five days after I first saw her, just as I was losing hope, I saw her again. The same place I saw her the first time. Just by a small doorway under the steel bridge at King’s Cross. Though it was her if you looked hard enough, it still wasn’t really her. It was just a shadow.

I told myself that next time I saw her I’d be ready for whatever. I didn’t want to see her and then have to run off when some Glockz gang-banger came bouncing up. So I took along a gun, the same gun that I kept for seven years waiting for dad to turn up. I had it with me now in my waistband even though I thought it was unlikely that I would actually need it. I pulled up to near where she was standing to think about how I was going to play it.

I still couldn’t believe it was her. You don’t know what it’s like to look for a person you love for so many hours in so many days and nights and not find her. And then suddenly she is there. It proper made my heart go.

Just then though, some other car pulled up in front of me and parked next to her. The driver had wound his window down and was talking to Kira’s ghost. Please don’t get in, I was saying to myself, just don’t get in. It looked as though she was about to though so I started up my car and pulled up immediately behind and started beeping my horn. I was hoping that the noise might spook the other driver or something but it didn’t. All it did was make him get out of his car and shout over at me to fuck off.

I get out and walk over to where they are both standing. I’ve got my hand over the gun which is covered still by the bottom of my hoodie and as I get closer I start to check out this guy’s face. Is he a hero type or is he a see-a-black-man-and-run type? I can’t tell exactly but I need to test this one out before I do anything. I get to about three feet away and Kira sees me for the first time. She almost smiles as if she has forgotten where she is and has seen someone she recognizes but then just as quickly a look of panic fills her face.

‘She’s coming with me bruv,’ I say and go to take Kira by the arm. The guy looks like he is going to back off but he is still thinking about it you can tell. No guy likes to be fronted out by another guy especially when there’s a girl around – even if that girl is a prostitute. I turn my back to him to give him a chance of leaving without having to get into a row. Kira is still holding on to me. She is shaking a bit but I don’t know whether it’s the cold or whether it’s me trembling that’s making her shake. For sure my heart is going bam bam bam.