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“Oh, the bad man!” said Dooley.

We all turned to Randy, even Lil Ran.

“Is this true, Randy?” asked the Irish Setter. “Did you lock up Marge and did you set up this turtle farm to get out of debt?”

But of course Randy hadn’t learned how to speak the canine language in the ten seconds that had elapsed. Instead, he patted his dog’s head and said “Good boy. Let’s get out of here, shall we?”

“What do you want us to do with Marge?” asked Jerry, who was holding a gun, I now saw.

“I haven’t decided yet,” said Randy.

“We can’t let her go,” said Jerry. “She’ll blab to her brother the cop. Or her daughter the cop. Or her son-in-law the cop.”

“I really know how to pick ‘em, don’t I?” said Randy. “When they interviewed Odelia on TV they never mentioned her entire family consisted of the entire local police force.”

“We could always keep her here until everything is over,” said Jerry.

“And then what? The minute we let her out she’ll go running to the cops. No, we can’t risk that. I suggest we, um, make her go away.” He gestured to Johnny. “You take care of that for me, will you? You look like the kind of guy who’s done that sort of thing before.”

Johnny stared at Randy, then said,“Oh, are you talking to me, boss?”

“Who do you think I’m talking to, numbnuts? The walls? You get rid of Marge. And please don’t tell me how you’ll do it. I don’t want to know. Just do it quietly, and make sure the body is never found, all right?”

“But, boss. I like Marge. She’s good people.”

“And now she’s dead people. Just do it.”

And with these words, he started to walk away. Unfortunately his exit was blocked by Grandma Muffin, who had chosen this exact moment to show up, Harriet right behind her.

Chapter 42

“What’s going on here?” asked Gran. “And why are you holding a gun, Mr. Vale?”

“Lock her up with the other one,” said Randy.

“But, boss!” said Johnny.

“Lock her up I said! And get rid of her.”

“But boss!”

“Oh, do I really have to do everything myself around here?” He grabbed Jerry’s gun and held it on Gran, who looked a little startled.

“In there,” barked the fitness star.

“He’s a bad one, Gran,” said Dooley.

“Oh, I can see that,” said Gran.

Harriet, who’d joined us, said, “What’s going on? Why is Randy pointing a gun at Gran?”

“Because he’s a bad guy,” said Dooley. “He’s already locked up Marge and now he’s doing the same with Gran.”

“We have to attack him,” I said, eyeing that gun with a keen eye. Guns and cats don’t really mix. We’re not impervious to the odd bullet making a hole through our precious bods, and just like humans usually don’t respond well. So it more or less kept me from jumping on top of that frizzy-haired maniac and digging my claws in the way I wanted to.

Gran followed the instructions of the fitness guru and reluctantly entered the small room.“I’m going to tell my son,” she warned. “And he won’t be happy.”

“Oh, shut up,” said Randy, who was losing all the hallmarks of his usually sunny persona more and more. He slammed the door shut in Gran’s face then locked it. “So your instructions still stand,” he told his two associates. “Get rid of them and make sure the bodies are never found. Bestway to deal with this.” Once more he was making for the staircase and he probably would have walked out if not Tex Poole had walked in.

“You!” Tex said the moment he caught sight of Randy. “I want a word with you—you rat!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” said Randy, and since he was still holding that gun, he now pointed it at the doctor. “I’m sorry, Doc, but you caught me at a bad time.”

“Is that a gun?” asked Tex, his eyes going wide as saucers.

“Excellent powers of observation. Get in there,” he said, gesturing to the small room that was really filling up now.

“I don’t understand,” said Tex.

“Who cares? In there, and be quick about it.”

“But… is this the toxin? Has it started to affect your brain? You’re not well, Randy. You don’t look well.”

“And why do you think that is? Your family keep showing up—get in there, Doc!”

And since it is rarely a good idea to argue with a man holding a gun, Tex did as he was told, and got in there. Under normal circumstances it probably would have been a happy reunion in that small room, but I very much doubt whether this was the case now.

“Is that it?” said Randy, starting to look a little frazzled. “Did we get all of them?”

“We got three of them, boss,” said Jerry. “Do you want us to—”

“Yes! Kill them all and make sure the bodies—”

“Are never found. Gotcha.”

“This is too much,” said Fifi. “This man is some kind of mass murderer!”

“And here I thought he was a nice guy,” said Rufus. “My humans always work out to his videos. They think he’s goofy and funny. He’s not so goofy and funny now.”

“Must be the drugs,” said Harriet. “If you take so many drugs for so many years, it affects your brain. It starts to go soft.”

“I don’t recognize my own human anymore,” said Lil Ran sadly. “It’s as if he’s been replaced by his own evil twin.”

“Randy has an evil twin?” asked Dooley. “I didn’t know that.”