“I love your workouts, sir,” said Chase, who couldn’t stop grinning like a kid now that he’d gotten over his initial shocked surprise at meeting his hero in the flesh. “I’ve watched all of your YouTube videos and my mom owns all of your videos on VHS—she used to play them to me as a kid, and I just loved watching her work out to them.”
“Is that so?” said Mr. Hancock, who’d taken a seat at the living room table, and took this hero-worship in stride with the ease of a man who’s been in the limelight for most of his adult life. “They’ve all been transferred to DVD,” he said now. “So you might want to give them to your mom as a birthday present so she can continue her fitness routine.”
“Oh, but Mom doesn’t work out anymore,” said Chase.
“No? And why is that?”
“Her health doesn’t allow her to, so…”
“Yeah, I can see how that would complicate things,” said the fitness guru politely.
Odelia gestured to the television.“We were just doing one of your routines, sir.”
“Just call me Randy, will you?” said the man. “And good for you, Miss Poole.”
“Odelia,” said Odelia quickly. “And this is Chase. We’re your biggest fans, sir—Randy.”
“Yes, this is such an honor,” Chase gushed.
“That’s great,” said Randy with a tired smile, then swallowed with a slight sense of unease. He was probably wondering if he’d done the right thing by ringing Odelia’s bell. Talking about his workout tapes clearly wasn’t what he’d come here for.
“It’s so weird to see a person on TV and then to see them in the flesh, Max,” said Dooley. “I think he looks better on TV, though.”
“That’s probably because he was years younger when he taped that video,” I said.
“He looks gaunt and pale. And not very fit.”
“He just told us he’s about to die, Dooley. You wouldn’t look too hot when you only had four more days to live,” I pointed out.
A look of concern clouded my friend’s face. “Is it cancer, Max? Is Randy Hancock dying from cancer? Or maybe because he did too many of his own workouts and his body simply couldn’t take it anymore?”
“I don’t know, Dooley,” I said. “But the moment Odelia and Chase stop telling him how great they think he is, I’m sure he’ll tell us all about it.”
Odelia had provided the fitness giant with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, and Chase had finally switched off the workout video still playing on the TV, and Randy, who seemed to have calmed down a little, cleared his throat and said,“First off, you have to promise me you won’t write a single word I’m going to tell you, Odelia.”
“Oh, no, sure,” said Odelia, though she looked a little disappointed. The worst thing for a reporter is to have a national celebrity and cultural icon walk into their home and then tell them they can’t write all about it in an article.
“If it’s medical advice you need, Randy,” said Chase, who’d planted one leg firmly on the floor and the other one on a chair, airing his nether regions after the intense workout he’d enjoyed, “just tell us. Odelia’s dad is a doctor, you see, and he’ll be more than happy to give you a free checkup. Isn’t that right, babe?”
“Oh, sure. And I can promise you my dad is very discreet, Randy. Absolutely.”
“My health is fine,” said Randy with a weak smile. “Though thanks for your concern. No, it’s my entourage I’m having trouble with.” He heaved a deep sigh. “It’s like this. A couple of months ago I accidentally fell from a stepladder and broke my pelvis. The whole thing was extremelypainful, and very inconvenient. As you can imagine, a fitness instructor who can’t teach his classes anymore, and can’t shoot any instructional videos is not much of a fitness instructor. The situation forced me to take it easy for several months while I convalesced at home.”
“That must have been terrible, Randy,” said Chase with feeling. He looked taken aback that his personal hero proved fallible and had, like all mortals, bones made of, well, bone, and not rubber, as he’d clearly supposed.
“Yeah, well, the incident forced me to take it easy for a while, and it got me thinking. You know, I’m sixty-five years old. I’ve been in this business for over forty years. Taught thousands and thousands of classes, did more workouts than any other human alive, and so I found myself wondering if maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t time for me to take a break.”
“A break?” said Chase, looking shocked at this strange conceit. “What do you mean?”
“Retirement, Chase. Hang up my sequin spandex gym shorts and call it quits.”
“But… you can’t quit, Randy,” said Chase. “You’re an icon, a monument, a national treasure. As you always say yourself: we should practice fitness until the day we die!”