1945

Bullshit. They had continued to inch up increasingly steep hills and fight their way through strong Jap positions. Paul had lost track of the date. Was it Christmas yet? If so, he thought as he stumbled on a rock and almost lost his helmet, how would Santa find him? At least he'd gotten some mail and managed to send some good letters off to Debbie. Thank God he could count on her.

"Over here, Lieutenant," one of Marcelli's soldiers yelled.

Paul covered the last few yards to where a small group of men clustered about a large lump that lay in a foxhole. It was Marcelh. He was facedown and still, but his chest moved from the effort of breathing.

"What happened to him?" Paul asked. The men shrugged and moved off. They didn't want to know.

Mackensen slid into the hole and tried to move Marcelh. He was curled up in a fetal position and unresponsive. The stink of feces and urine wafted up from the hole. Lieutenant Marcelh had fouled himself.

When Mackensen moved Marcelh's head, his eyes were squinched shut as if daring the world to make him look. Mackensen tried to straighten him out, but he returned to his curled-up ball position like a preformed rubber toy. It was ghastly to look at. This creature looked nothing like the eager young officer who was Paul's friend.

"He's shell-shocked, Lieutenant," Mackensen announced softly. "He's gone someplace else, the lucky bastard."

Paul slid down beside the lieutenant, shook him gently, and patted him on the cheek. "Jerry, can you hear me?" he whispered in Marcelli's ear. "Jerry, c'mon, buddy. We got a job to do and I need you. Help me out this one time and we'll all get to go home."

He heard a low moan and saw a thin line of drool starting to run down Marcelli's chin. Seeing a man like that was even more awful than seeing one wounded by a bullet or shrapnel. Bullet wounds you could bandage, but what the hell did you do when a man's mind snapped? No wonder the other soldiers didn't want to hang around. They were afraid it was contagious. It wasn't, of course, but each man knew that he had his own breaking point. They just didn't want to be reminded of it. Paul had to get rid of Marcelli before his condition played havoc with the rest of the company's morale.

Paul snapped at his radioman, "Get a medic up here with a stretcher. I want him out of here right now." The operator gulped and sent the message.

Paul found a blanket and covered Marcelli. He wanted to keep him warm, but he also didn't want anyone else staring at him as if he were some kind of freak. "Well, First Sergeant, what do you think happened?"

Mackensen shrugged. He didn't understand weakness, and in his world, battle fatigue or shell shock qualified as weakness. He knew it occurred and was sympathetic to those it hit, but he had no idea why it happened.

"Beats me, sir. We both saw him yesterday and he was fine. A little nervous, maybe, but that's not unusual out here."

No, Paul sighed, not unusual at all in a land where everything, even the earth and the trees, was hostile. Shell shock was getting more and more common, although this was the first case he'd seen in the company. There would be more as there was only so much that the human psyche and soul could take.

With the exception of the few days in the rear, they'd been in combat almost every day since landing more than a month ago. The company had suffered more than seventy casualties and had received only a dozen fresh-faced young replacements, who'd been unprepared for the horrors confronting them. As a result, a high percentage of the innocent and clean-uniformed replacements had themselves gone down. What saddened Paul the most was that few knew who the dead and wounded replacements were. No one wanted to make friends with someone who was likely to die. They were stuck with the people they'd begun with in the company, but they didn't have to open their hearts and souls to anyone else. Why compound problems with the burden of grief when someone was lost.

The stretcher-bearers came and got Marcelli strapped down and carried away. For a moment, the young lieutenant had opened his eyes, and Paul had been struck by the total blankness behind them. Wherever Marcelli's mind was, it wasn't in this world. As he disappeared down the hill, Paul wished him peace, although he feared that Marcelli would become like one of those World War I veterans he'd once seen at a government hospital. They'd lived there for decades, utterly unaware and comprehending nothing. He'd been twelve at the time, and the scene had given him nightmares.

Paul shuddered and wondered when he would break. Then he wondered if his mind hadn't already gone. Perhaps this whole thing was just a nightmare? Maybe all he had to do was close his eyes and it would all go away? Maybe he could will himself home with his head cradled between Deb's breasts while she kissed his forehead and told him everything was okay.

Yeah, sure, and all he had to do was click his heels and he'd be in Kansas with Dorothy and Toto.