7b2696c981e3d60fa8abbc841c83ccf4

“That the big boys will fall over each other to buy us out! Google, Microsoft, Facebook—they’ll stand in line with their checkbooks, offering us millions for the app. There will be a bidding war, because let’s face it—who doesn’t want to get rid of crime? In fact it wouldn’t surprise me, when the dust settles, that we’ll make a hundred million dollars.”

“A hundred million dollars!” Harriet cried.

“At the very least!”

“How many nuggets of kibble is that?” asked Brutus.

I could already see the dollar signs flashing in Harriet’s eyes, and even though I could have told her there were major flaws in Gran’s plan, I knew she wouldn’t be susceptible to my counter-arguments, so I wisely conserved my energy and kept my tongue.

“Okay, but so first things first,” said Gran. “Scarlett, you need to talk to Kevin, and tell him to start working on that app. Also, you need to sit down with Harriet and start learning the language.”

“Oh, goodie,” said Scarlett, as she high-fived Harriet at this point. Okay, so maybe it was a low-five. Cats are, after all, vertically challenged when compared with humans.

And since it seemed clear that our presence was no longer required, Dooley and I took our leave. Harriet might be getting ready to become a multimillionaire, but we had a blackmailer to catch, and frankly that seemed more important than Gran’s elusive app.

Chapter 5

“Do you think that Scarlett will be able to learn our language, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Somehow I doubt it, Dooley,” I said.

“Why? Don’t you think she’s clever enough?”

“Oh, I think she’s certainly clever enough, but my impression has always been that being able to talk to cats is a gift, not something that can be taught.” A gift passed along the female line, otherwise Uncle Alec would have been able to talk to us as well.

“So that means that Gran and Harriet’s plan is a bust?”

“Not necessarily. It is true that if you outfit a cat with a camera and a microphone, they’ll be able to pick up certain things, but unless they’re trained to pay attention to criminal activity, what they’ll pick up is simply the kinds of things cats are naturally interested in: what birds are tootling in the trees, or a piece of fish filet someone left on the windowsill to cool off. And those things aren’t necessarily indicative of a crime.”

“If the cat steals the fish filet it is a crime,” said Dooley.

I smiled.“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s the kind of crime that will make Gran a multimillionaire.”

We’d arrived at the General Store, where our friend Kingman likes to hold forth in front of the store. His human Wilbur was behind the counter as usual, scanning the wares as they passed him by on the conveyor belt, meanwhile keeping an eye on the television screen, where an old black-and-white episode of Zorro was playing.

“Hey, you guys,” said Kingman when we came trudging up. “How are things in the world of crime?”

“Not too good,” I said. “A woman just walked into Odelia’s office hoping to get rid of a blackmailer.”

“A blackmailer, huh?” said Kingman. “Nasty business, blackmail.”

“Yeah, especially since a blackmailer never stops, unless the big secret is out in the open, and that’s exactly what this woman can’t afford.”

“So who’s the woman, and what is her secret?”

And so in a few short words I told him the story as Rosa had conveyed it to Odelia.

“Five million bucks. I can understand why she wants to keep it a secret. Though if I’m being totally honest, my suggestion would be to stop worrying about the secret, and catch that blackmailer before he makes any more victims.”

“But what about her future? And the future of her kids?”

“Look, her husband already knows, so from that side she will get all the support she needs. And the kids are nine years older now, and probably not as vulnerable as they used to be. And frankly I don’t think people will care that much. It’s all ancient history now. And also, it didn’t happen here, and you know how people don’t care a hoot about what happens elsewhere. And thirdly, she didn’t do anything wrong, if I understood you correctly. It’s the ex-husband who committed a crime, so why should she and her kids suffer?”

“Good points,” I said, nodding. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“I think if people found out what this woman went through, they’d show her compassion and support instead of scorn and suspicion. Just my two cents.”

“No, but you’re absolutely right.”

“Do you think cats can get a facelift, Kingman?” asked Dooley now.

Kingman frowned.“What do cats need facelifts for?”

“Well, when their jawlines starts to sag,” said Dooley. “To lift them, you know.”

“Look, Dooley, we have one advantage over humans: our faces are covered with fur. So if we get a sagging jawline or the odd wrinkle, who cares? No one will notice.”

Dooley thought about this for a moment, then said,“But then why don’t humans simply let their beards grow out? That way they can cover their faces with fur, too.”