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She opened the little gate a previous homeowner had once installed and that connected both gardens and said,“Tex, come over here a minute, will you?” Once Tex had complied, she added, “Now sit down. You too, Ted.”

Both men reluctantly sat down at the garden table, Tex shooting fire with his eyes, insofar as a mild doctor can shoot fire with his eyes, and Ted sitting at the edge of his chair, ready to bolt if Tex made the slightest move to violate the physical integrity of his person.

“Now let’s thresh this thing out,” said Marcie, grabbing the gnome from her husband’s hands and turning it upside down. “Where did you get this gnome, Ted?”

“I… I don’t remember,” said Ted.

“Hah!” said Tex.

“Quiet, Tex,” said Marcie. “What do you mean, you don’t remember?”

“Well, I did drop by the garden center yesterday to buy a fresh batch, but I honestly don’t remember every single one of them or their exact particulars.”

“How many did you buy?”

“Um, a dozen?” he said, giving his wife a sheepish look.

“Oh, Ted,” said Marcie with a sigh. “And how many did you have?”

“Two dozen.”

“So that makes three dozen. So let’s count, shall we?”

All three of them started counting the gnomes in Ted and Marcie’s backyard. It immediately became clear there were far more than thirty-six gnomes littering the place. In fact there were forty-eight.

“How is that possible?” murmured Ted.

“Because you stole mine!” Tex cried, and made to get up and wring Ted’s neck.

Marcie pushed him back down and said crisply,“Ted, did you steal Tex’s gnomes?”

“No, of course I didn’t!” her husband cried.

“Hah!”

“Quiet, Tex. So where do these extra twelve come from?”

“I don’t know!”

Marcie had gotten up and was now checking a couple of the superfluous gnomes.“Some of these have the letter T on them,” she said.

“Those are all mine,” said Tex, getting up and collecting them from Marcie’s hands.

“I don’t know what to say, Tex,” she said apologetically.

“I swear on the heads of my kids that I didn’t steal your gnomes, Tex!” Ted cried, much perturbed.

But Tex didn’t even deign the gnome thief with a response. Instead he checked every single gnome in that backyard until he’d retrieved his own dozen gnomes. Then, his arms laden with gnomes big and small, he stalked off.

“Tex, buddy, please!” said Ted.

But Tex had left the backyard.

Chapter 13

Vesta glanced up at the impressive church steeple and made the sign of the cross.

“What are we doing here?” asked Scarlett, watching with some measure of bewilderment as her friend displayed all the hallmarks of a religious person, which she hadn’t thought Vesta actually was.

“We’re adding another formidable recruit to our already formidable team,” said Vesta.

“Father Reilly? Are you sure?”

“A priest knows, Scarlett,” Vesta pointed out. “In fact a priest knows all. People come in to confess, and he writes it all down in his little black book. Criminals, sinners, or even righteous souls confessing some minor transgression. Father Reilly knows all and sees all.”

“I think that’s God,” said Scarlett, but Vesta was undeterred.

“If we can recruit Father Reilly to our cause, crime in Hampton Cove will be all but extinct,” she said, and crossed the threshold to step into the church proper. It took some effort to push through those heavy oak doors, and then they were inside, in that cool and semi-dark place that was St. John’s Church, the town’s center of all that was holy.

As it happened, Father Reilly was replenishing the stoup near the entrance as they strode in, and smiled in greeting.“Vesta. Scarlett. What brings you here?”

“We have an offer for you, Francis,” said Vesta. “An offer you can’t refuse.”

Father Reilly’s equanimity diminished to a slight degree. “Is that so?”

“We’re launching Hampton Cove’s first-ever neighborhood watch,” Scarlett explained, glancing around a little uneasily. She hadn’t set foot inside a church in ages, and as Hampton Cove’s number one Jezebel now wondered if the gates of hell would suddenly open up underneath her feet and swallow her whole. She disliked sulfur, or white-hot flames licking at her feet. Just to be on the safe side, therefore, she stayed close to Father Reilly. Satan would think twice before swallowinghim up whole, wouldn’t he?

“A neighborhood watch, eh?” said the priest, thoughtfully stroking his chin.

“Yeah, and we want you on our team,” said Vesta, wasting no time coming to the point. “You’d be an incredible asset,” she added when the priest frowned in confusion.

“I’m not sure that would be wise,” he said now, indicating he was going to prove a tough sell.

“And why is that?” asked Vesta, her face taking on its most mulish expression.

“Well, for one thing I’m a man of God, and men of God don’t usually involve themselves in local politics.”