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“The thing is, our house is infested with mice. Again, I should probably add. And we have no idea how to get rid of them.”

“And now you want me to go in there, guns blazing, and solve that little problem for you, is that it?”

“Yeah, that’s about what it boils down to,” Harriet confirmed, happy that Clarice was so quick on the uptake.

“No can do, toots,” said Clarice, much to Harriet’s dismay. “I’ve got plenty of food right here.” Suddenly, from underneath the dumpster, the largest rat Harriet had ever seen came scurrying, nose twitching and front teeth exposed as it sniffed at a piece of moldy bread.

Brutus squealed as he saw the rat, and hid behind Harriet.

“See what I mean?” growled Clarice. Then, quick as a flash, her paw shot out, and moments later, before Harriet’s horrified gaze, the rat was in her mouth, face down, and within seconds it disappeared, whole and hairy, down her throat, only the tail still hanging out. One more gulp, and the tail, too, disappeared down the hatch.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Brutus cried, his paws on his head as he stared at Clarice, absolutely horrified.

“There’s plenty more where that came from,” Clarice said as she burped. “So if you want a nice juicy rat, help yourselves. No one has ever accused Clarice of being stingy.”

Harriet gulped.“But you ate it alive!”

“Of course I ate it alive. What did you expect, that I would chop it into little pieces and fry it with onions and carrots?”

“That would be nice,” Brutus admitted. “Though it would probably need seasoning.”

“Look, if you’ve got mice, you need to put your paw down. Eat a couple of the big ones, and the rest will get the message and scatter. If you don’t, they’ll reproduce and soon you’ll be overrun with the vile creatures. Though it sounds like you already are.”

“But Clarice, I can’t,” said Harriet.

“You can’t what? Eat them? Then tell your human to buy mousetraps and get rid of them that way. I wouldn’t advocate poison. That stuff has a habit of getting into your food, too, and you’ll get a nasty tummy ache and, worst case, die a pretty painful death.”

“I don’t think Odelia wants to put out mousetraps, though.”

“Why the hell not?”

“She feels they’re not humane.”

Clarice barked a short laugh.“My God. What a joke.” She thought for a moment. “There is such a thing as a humane mousetrap. You catch the suckers and dump ‘em somewhere.”

“But won’t they find their way back?”

“Possibly,” said Clarice, who seemed to be something of an expert. “Which is why it’s best if you simply kill a couple, then the rest will skedaddle.”

Harriet nodded solemnly. She’d wanted to atone for her nasty Chloe letters to Max and Dooley by getting rid of the mice for them, but it was dawning on her that this was not going to happen. She’d have to figure out another way.

“Thanks, Clarice,” she said finally. “Thanks for all your advice. And you know you always have a home with us, and food if you want it, right?”

Clarice softened.“Yeah, I know. But I like it out here. I like the freedom, and I like the hunt, too. Not much fun hunting a bowl of kibble, if you know what I mean.”

She didn’t, but said she did. And then they were off, before Clarice gobbled down another humongous rat and caused Harriet to throw up her breakfast.

And as they walked out of the alley, Brutus said,“Looks like we’re on our own, baby cakes.”

“Yeah, looks like.”

“You feel bad about calling Max obnoxious and Dooley a dummy, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do,” she confessed. “I shouldn’t have written that, and I can’t even take it back without revealing that I’m Chloe.” She sighed. “Oh, Brutus, why does my temper always get the better of me?”

“Actually it’s what I like about you, sugar lump. Your passion.”

She smiled.“Only you could turn a negative into a positive like that, honey bear.”

“You could always issue a retraction,” he suggested.

She frowned.“What do you mean?”

“You could say that you mixed up the questions, and then you could post the real answers to Max and Dooley’s questions this time. I’ll bet they’d be over the moon.”

“Brutus, but that’s genius!”

“Oh, well,” he said modestly. “I get these brainwaves, you know.”

“Let’s go and see Odelia right now. I’ll dictate two new responses and make Max and Dooley happy again.”

“What will you tell them?”

She smiled.“Oh, I know exactly what I’ll tell them.”

Chapter 25

Odelia was hard at work in her office when Harriet came traipsing in, followed by Brutus.

“Hey, you guys,” said Odelia. “So nice to see you.”

“Odelia, I have a confession to make,” said Harriet.

“Oh?” Both cats jumped up onto her desk, and Harriet perched herself on the corner, her tail nicely draped around herself. Odelia, in spite of her long association with cats, still admired their gracefulness and poise and she did so now.

“Max and Dooley asked me a question. Well, actually they asked Chloe a question, and I feel like I let them down with my response.”

“I wondered about that,” Odelia confessed. “If I remember correctly you called Max obnoxious and Dooley dumb, right?”