A Baumgartner reunion

“Sometimes we have so much love to give…it feels like we’ll explode if we don’t share it.” Doc’s words were soft and simple. He spoke as if he were explaining something to a child, and I felt like one.

“But…isn’t it wrong?”

He smiled softly. “Do you think it’s wrong?”

“It feels wrong.” I sounded petulant and felt that way, too.

“Does it? Why?”

I shrugged. “Because I feel… guilty. Like I’m betraying my marriage.”

“You can’t betray your marriage if both of you agree that what you’re doing isn’t a betrayal,” he replied simply.

I shook my head, swallowing hard around the lump in my throat. “Why does he want this? I don’t understand…” I looked into his eyes, searching for answers there. “Why did you want me?”

“Because I loved you,” he replied softly. “I wanted you because you were young and beautiful and I loved you.”

“Well…I believe the first part, I guess… although I’m not young and beautiful anymore…” I frowned, remembering.

“Oh yes you are…both.” He chuckled. “And I still love you.”

“You love me?” I sighed. “Like, what? A daughter? A sister? A wife?”

“Like a lover.” His thumb rubbed over my chin, making me shiver. “You loved me, too, you know.”

Of course I had. I’d loved them both, and Gretchen too. I couldn’t help it.

But I was a kid then, and I was a grown-up now. Grown ups made choices.

Grown ups narrowed their lives with choices-that was part of being a grown-up.

Doc spoke, almost as if he could read my thoughts. “When you have kids…you only have the one daughter, right?” I nodded. “Sometimes when you have another, you wonder if you’re going to be able to love that child as much as the first. I loved Janie to pieces and thought I couldn’t love another human being like that. It felt impossible. And then Henry came along, and he was just as amazing, but different, you know? You love them differently, because they’re so unique, but it’s still love. You find you have more than enough room in your heart for another. Your heart has an infinite capacity to love.” I understood the concept, but there was just one thing wrong with the theory. “But spouses aren’t children.”

“No,” he agreed. “But the concept is the same, as long as you both agree that it’s something you want. It’s like anything in a marriage, you learn to negotiate and compromise. Are you telling me you don’t want what he does?”

“I don’t know.” I squirmed in his lap, uncomfortable with the question, looking away.

He nudged my chin, turning my head back to him. “I think you do.”

“Why do you think that?” I countered.

“Because your body wants it.” His grip at my waist tightened and he slid his hand over my hip, pulling me closer. I felt, for the first time, how hard he was, and I flushed, my nipples tingling in response. “It’s smarter than you are.”

“Your body doesn’t judge, Ronnie.” His other hand moved in my hair, tilting my head back, feathering soft kisses at my throat. “Your head does that.”

“Doc…” I swallowed, closing my eyes, feeling his hand moving down my hip, over my thigh. “I don’t…”

“You’re afraid, Ronnie.” He pushed me from his lap and I gasped as he stood, towering over me. “You’re afraid of losing him, but it’s more than that.

You’re afraid of letting go, of losing control.”

I stared at him, unable to speak.

“Come with me.” He held out his hand.

I frowned. “Where?”

“Trust me.”

That was the first step. Trembling, I took his hand and followed.

Chapter Seven

“Are you crazy?” I stood staring at Doc, mouth agape, as he put the raft on the sand at the water’s edge and held out his hand to help me in. “I’m not getting in that thing!”

The water lapped at my bare feet-he’d insisted I remove my shoes before we even left the house-and a full moon made the waves look like watery crystals as they rode toward shore and crashed against the sand, leaving foamy lace behind.

“Trust me,” Doc said again, reaching and grabbing hold of my hand this time. “Get in.”

Sighing, I accepted his help into the boat, shrinking toward the side and waiting for him to get in, too. Then the raft moved on the sand and I shrieked, glancing backward in a panic at Doc, who pushed the inflatable into the water.

“What are you doing?!” I cried as he peeled off his t-shirt and tossed it onto the sand behind him, pushing the boat harder now as he waded in to his knees. “Don’t leave me!”

He shook his head as the boat began to float, free of its lodging in the sand. “Did you really think I would push you out there and leave you?” I frowned, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart, as he pulled himself over the rounded yellow edge of the inflatable-the water was up to his chest now-and swung a leg over. He settled in across from me with a smile.

“Okay?” he asked, taking an oar in each hand and beginning to row.