A Pale View of Hills

“You were making a strange face just now.”

“1 wasn’t making a strange face. Why have you got the rope?”

“You were making a strange face. It was a very strange face.’

“Why have you got the rope?”

I watched her for a moment. Signs of fear were appearing on her face.

“Don’t you want a kitten then?” she asked.

‘No, I don’t think so. What’s the matter with you?” Mariko got to her feet. I caine forward until I reached the willow tree. I noticed the cottage a short distance away, the shape of its roof darker than the sky. I could hear Mariko’s footsteps running off into the darkness.

When I reached the door of the cottage, I could hear Sachiko’s voice from within, talking angrily. They both turned to me as I came in. Sachiko was standing in the middle of the room, her daughter before her. In the light cast by the lantern, her carefully prepared face had a mask-like quality.

“I fear Mariko’s been giving you trouble,” she said tome.

“Well, she ran outside

“Say sorry to Etsuko-San.” She gripped Mariko’s arm roughly.

“I want to go outside again.”

“You won’t move. Now apologize.”

“I want to go outside.”

With her free hand, Sachiko slapped the child sharply on the back of her thigh. “Now, apologize to Etsuko-San.”

Small tears were appearing in Mariko’s eyes. She looked at me briefly, then turned back to her mother. “Why do you always go away?”

Sachiko raised her hand again warningly.

“Why do you always go away with Frank-San?”

“Are you going to say you’re sorry?”

“Frank-San pisses like a pig. He’s a pig in a sewer.” Sachiko stared at her child, her hand still poised in the air.

“He drinks his own piss.”

“Silence.”

“He drinks his own piss and he shits in his bed.” Sachiko continued to glare, but remained quite still. “He drinks his own piss.” Mariko pulled her aim free and walked across the room with an air of nonchalance. At the entryway she turned and stared back at her mother. “He pisses like a pig,” she repeated, then went out into the darkness.

Sachiko stared at the entryway for some moments, apparently oblivious of my presence.

“Shouldn’t someone go after her?” I said, after a while. Sachiko looked at me and seemed to relax a little. “No,”

she said, sitting down. “Leave her.”

“But it’s very late.’

‘Leave her. She can come back when she pleases.” A kettle had been steaming on the open stove for some

time. Sachiko took it off the flame and began making tea. I watched her for several moments, then asked quietly:

Did you find your friend?”

“Yes, Etsuko,’ she said. ‘1 found him.” She continued with her tea-making, not looking up at me. Then she said:

“It was very kind of you to have come here tonight. I do apologize about Mariko.”

I continued to watch her. Eventually, I said: ‘What are your plans now?”

“My plans?” Sachiko finished filling the teapot, then poured the remaining water on to the flame. “Etsuko, I’ve told you many times, what is of the utmost importance to me is my daughter’s welfare. That must come before everything else. I’m a mother, after all. I’m not some young saloon girl with no regard for decency I’m a mother, and my daughter’s interests come first.”

“Of course.”

“I intend to write to my uncle. I’ll inform him of my whereabouts and I’ll tell him as much as he has a right to know about my present circumstances. Then if he wishes, I’ll discuss with him the possibilities of our returning to his house.” Sachiko picked up the teapot in both hands and began to shake it gently. ‘As a matter of fact, Etsuko, I’m rather glad things have turned out like this. Imagine how unsettling it would have been for my daughter, finding herself in a land full of foreigners, a land full of Ame-kos. And suddenly having an Ame-ko for a father, imagine how confusing that would be for her. Do you understand what I’m saying, Etsuko? She’s had enough disturbance in her life already, she deserves to be somewhere settled. It’s just as well things have turned out this way.”

I murmured something in assent.

“Children, Etsuko,” she went on, “mean responsibility. You’ll discover that yourself soon enough. And that’s what he’s really scared of, anyone can see that. He’s scared of Mariko. Well, that’s not acceptable to me, Etsuko. My daughter comes first. It’s just as well things have turned out this way.” She went on rocking the teapot in her hands.

“This must be very distressing for you,’ I said, eventually.

“Distressing?” — Sachiko laughed — “Etsuko, do you imagine little things like this distress me? When I was your age, perhaps. But not any more. I’ve gone through too much over the last few years. In any case, I was expecting this to happen. Oh yes, I’m not surprised at all. 1 expected

this. The last time, in Tokyo it was much the same, he disappeared and spent all our money, drank it all in three