Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

Agatha gently put her hand over Gil’s mouth. “Okay,” she said. “Thanks. I think I’ve learned a lot.”

Gil raised his eyebrows in pleased surprise. Agatha turned to Tarvek and took his hand. It had turned lime green. Her heart was pounding. He looked so terrible…what could she say to him… “Tarvek, I—”

“It…It’s brilliant!” He pressed both her hands in his. “Oh, Agatha! You really do care!”

Agatha wondered if he was still hallucinating. “Well, of course, but—”

Gil snorted and stalked off, taking von Zinzer with him.

Tarvek gazed at her adoringly. “It’ll work! I know you can do it! You’re so amazing! Yes, let’s start right away!”

“Wait—but first,” Tarvek said. He looked around cautiously. “Where is Violetta?” He asked in a low, serious voice. “I need to talk to her. Now.”

Violetta, who had been, frankly, cowering next to Moloch while watching Agatha and Gil rant around the room, calmed herself using the secret Smoke Knight technique of biting her tongue, and stepped up. “Well, talk! I’m right here! You Sparks get all into your freakish, twisted courtship rituals and completely forget that you have an audience, don’t you?” She scowled at him. “Have you also forgotten that I’m supposed to keep you alive?

Tarvek was overjoyed. “Yay! There you are!” He grinned up at her. “I really am sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you—” Violetta looked like she had a bone caught in her throat. Tarvek blithely continued, “but I’m going to make it up to you!”

Violetta turned to Agatha. “Did you already swap out his brain and I missed it?”

Tarvek settled back onto the table and gazed upwards, contemplating infinity. He spoke in a whisper that Violetta had to bend over him to hear: “Since I’m going to die, I hereby release you from all duties to the family and to the Order.”

Violetta gasped.

Tarvek nodded. “And I’m sending you into the service of the Lady Heterodyne.”

Violetta clutched at her head. “Oh no,” she moaned. “I’m sick too! I’m starting to hallucinate!”

“You’ll do fine,” Tarvek assured her. “You’re like a faithful hound, with your cold little nose…”

“Oh my gosh!” Violetta was starting to hyperventilate. She turned to Agatha. “Oh my gosh! If…if I could stick with you—And…and do girl things…and I…I could go to your party and wear a pretty dress…”

“She’s always wanted to, you know,” Tarvek confided to Gil, who was walking past with an armload of syringes, tubes, and bottles. Gil gave him a blank look and continued across the room to where von Zinzer was setting out a selection of bizarrely shaped glassware and connecting it with pipes.

“ARRGH,” Violetta scowled. She leaned in again to whisper furiously: “But it…it won’t work. You don’t have the authority!”

Tarvek raised his eyebrows. “I’m the King!” he shouted cheerfully to the whole room.

“Stupid!” Violetta smacked him. “Not if you’ve been killed and revived!” her voice dropped to the barest whisper. “The Order will throw you out!”

“Not if we don’t tell them,” Tarvek whispered. “It’ll be a secret!”

“But I’m sworn to…” She stared at Tarvek. “This is how you do it,” she said faintly. “This is how you get people to…to betray their vows and perjure themselves and commit blackmail and murder for your schemes—”

“Murder?” Tarvek closed his eyes and wearily held up a hand. “Baby steps, Violetta, baby steps.” He cracked open an eye. “Well?”

Violetta sagged. “I’ll do it,” she whispered.

Tarvek’s voice returned to normal volume, and he playfully waggled his finger at Violetta. “Excellent. So you obey Agatha. Keep her safe.” He waved a regal hand toward Gil, who was lifting jars off the workbench and checking their contents. “And don’t let this Lothario bother her. After all, she is my future bride!”

“What?!” Gil shouted. The jar he had been holding smashed on the floor, scattering iridescent green powder across his boots. “I’ve changed my mind,” he informed them all at full volume. “Let’s just kill him!”

“Oh my,” Violetta marveled. “For the first time in my life, I don’t actually want to.”

Agatha crossed her arms and frowned at them. “Stop it. We’re going to kill him properly.”

Tarvek nodded sagely and smiled. “I hear birdies,” he chuckled.

Agatha nodded. “Great. Then that’s settled. Let’s get started.”

Gil raised a hand. “Oh. Wait. I’ve just remembered something I have to take care of first.” He turned to von Zinzer. “Did you find that Ichor of Somnia?”

Von Zinzer nodded. “Yessir. The jar is still sealed, so it might even still be good?” He found the correct jar and handed it to Gil, who examined it, nodding in satisfaction.

“Excellent. Come with me.” Gil said, and led von Zinzer out of the room.

Once they were in the hall, von Zinzer cleared his throat. “Ah… sir? Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What was all that about messing up this guy’s being king? King of what?”