Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

⁸³ In the Autonomy of Architecture (Rupert-Karls-Universitàt Heidelberg Publikationen), Hristo Tiktoffen laid out reasons why some buildings should remain pristine, as designed by their architects. Many great buildings, designed by geniuses, are subsequently remodeled, for a plethora of bad reasons, to their detriment. Tiktoffen dared to dream of buildings equipped with defenses, much like the immune systems of living bodies, except instead of antigens, these would eliminate poor aesthetic choices. There are those who think this idea insane. These are people who have never walked through a Renaissance palace infested with shag rugs.

⁸⁴ The Lady Teodora Vodenicharova. She was married to the Heterodyne Boys’ father, Saturn Heterodyne, as part of a deal to save her kingdom from being exterminated, which was typical Heterodyne courting behavior. An astonishingly strong-willed and capable woman, she managed to defy Saturn Heterodyne on an almost daily basis. Not only was she allowed to live, but by all accounts, he was still in love with her to the end. She refused to live within the Castle, and insisted on raising her sons outside of its day-to-day influence as well. She waged a never-ending campaign to prevent Bill and Barry from being molded to their father’s ways, with astonishing success. When it became obvious that she had succeeded, Saturn swore to kill them both and try anew. Teodora killed him and was herself subsequently killed by the Castle, but died knowing that her sons were safe. Volumes have been written about her charisma, strength of will, nobility of spirit, and simple courage. Sadly, they are written by shoddy pretenders to true academia and are rife with inadequate research, unattributed sources, faulty indexing, and poor spelling, and thus are not included in these classes. Less than twelve years after her death, five of the seven recognized Popes concurred, and she has been declared a Martyr, canonized as Saint Teodora of Transylvania, Patron Saint of Those Who Fall Afoul of Sparks.

⁸⁵ This is the sort of thing that causes Heterodyne scholars to drink heavily whenever nit-picky scientific journals insist on things like “dates” and “authentication”.

⁸⁶ The Baghdad Salamander is one of most fascinating archeological finds of the last hundred years. Tentatively dated from somewhere between 250 B.C to A.D 500, chemical and metallurgical tests have definitively shown that the device was a functioning battery built over a millennium before anyone else produced anything even remotely similar. While its true purpose is unknown, across the device’s base was a contemporary inscription which dared those “of an unbelieving and barbarous nature, who would mock the mental abilities of the device’s creator, to kiss the lizard.”

CHAPTER 10

When Saturn Heterodyne died and William Heterodyne assumed his seat as Master of the Castle, it took a while for the City of Mechanicsburg to reinvent itself. The town needed time to adjust to the idea that it was now a citadel of evil…without the evil.

Saturn’s sons—known to the World as the Heterodyne Boys—had not been raised in the Castle. This is an important factor to consider when examining their reasons for abandoning the long-held traditions of the Heterodyne family. Even before their father’s death, attentive townspeople had been aware that, soon enough, a new wind would be blowing.

But talk is one thing, and action another. Contemporary written accounts show that the razing of the flesh yards, along with the beginnings of the Great Hospital in their place, came as a rude shock to a large part of the populace.

There was grumbling. Resistance. It was the fear that members of any group will experience when a familiar, established order comes to an end for reasons they cannot understand. Never, in the long history of Mechanicsburg, had the populace come as close to outright rebellion against their Masters.

But the linchpins of the Heterodyne’s power held. The Jägermonsters stayed loyal. The Dyne still flowed. The von Mekkhan family stood with the new Master. And above them all, the Castle loomed, waiting to crush any who disobeyed.

Mechanicsburg evolved.

—Nurture Over Nature: The Story of the Heterodyne Boys (Part 1) What Went Right? by Professoressa Kaja Foglio/ Transylvania Polygnostic University Press

Agatha waited a moment, listening in the silence. “Yes, I think that did it,” she finally said, with a sigh of relief.

Professor Mezzasalma clattered over to the device Agatha had activated and studied it intently. He looked up in amazement. “It’s the Lion,” he said. “But you smashed it!”

“I only smashed one big showy bit. Once I had the other parts, it was easy enough to rework the design and reassemble it in such a way that the Castle didn’t realize it could still work.”

“You shut down…the whole Castle?” asked Tarvek.