Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“We’re not certain. We only know that it happens, and that this terrible disease isn’t fully understood. Fortunately, we’ve taken actions to combat it.”

“Such as putting terrible after-book specials at the backs of books to make people feel sick?” Alcatraz asks helpfully.

“That’s right,” Bastille says. “Stay away from Last-Paging, kids! Remember, the more you know…”

“… the more you can forget tomorrow!” Alcatraz says. “Good night, folks. And be sure to join us for next week’s after-book special, where we expose the dangers of gerbil snorting!”

Author’s Afterword

No, we’re not done yet. Be patient. We’ve only had three endings so far; we can stand another one. Both of my other books had afterwords, so this one will too. (And if we need to send someone to Valinor to justify this last ending, let me know. I’m not going to marry Rosie, though.)

Anyway, there you have it. My first visit to Nalhalla, my first experience with fame. You’ve seen the actions of a hero and the actions of a fool—and you know that both hero and fool are the same person.

I know I said that this was the book where you’d see me fail—and, in a way, I did fail. I let my mother escape with the Incarna text. However, I realize this wasn’t as big a failure as you might have been expecting.

You should have known. I won’t warn you when my big failure is about to arrive. It will hurt far more when it’s a surprise.

You’ll see.

About The Author

Brandon Sanderson is the second leading cause of cancer in domesticated fruit bats. He didn’t write this book; Alcatraz Smedry did. However, as Brandon’s name is synonymous with “big, boring fantasy books nobody wants to read,” Alcatraz figured it would be a good name to put on this book. It might help keep the Librarians from discovering what’s really in here.

Brandon Sanderson is known to be one of those annoying people who always answers questions with other questions. You want to know why? Why does it matter? What do you hope to learn? Why would you want to know more about him? Don’t you realize that he’s a very silly person?

The end. (Finally.).

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About The Illustrator

Hayley Lazo, alleged artist and spokeswoman for orphaned whale sharks, is still undergoing investigation. One agent, cleverly disguised as a desk lamp, reports that she may in fact harbor Librarian sympathies. Assuming there are libraries on Saturn. Her art can be found at art-zealot.deviantart.com.

Acknowledgments

I want to thank my awesome agents, Joshua Bilmes and Eddie Schneider, for being, well, awesome. Thanks also to this book’s first editor, Jennifer Rees, whose pleasant personality and editorial know-how made the process of publishing a book so much easier. At Starscape, thanks to Susan Chang for giving this book a new home, and thanks to Karl Gold and Megan Kiddoo for herding it through production. Also many thanks to Victoria Wallis and the ebook production team for their work on the new electronic version.

The influential Peter and Karen Ahlstrom were kind enough to read the manuscript and give me excellent suggestions. Janci Patterson also gave me feedback that was very valuable, even though her comments were written in glaring pink ink!

This novel would be much diminished without the fabulous interior illustrations by Hayley Lazo and cover illustrations by Scott Brundage. Isaaɕ Stewart’s art direction, cover design, and map are likewise essential.

I’d like to thank my lovely wife, Emily Sanderson, who helped with this book in ways too numerous to list here. Finally, a special thank-you goes to Mrs. Bushman’s sixth-grade students (you know who you are!), who have been so enthusiastic about my books.

Brandon Sanderson

Read on for an excerpt from Alcatraz’s next adventure

THE SHATTERED  LENS      

Available July 2016

Copyright © 2010 by Dragonsteel Entertainment, LLC

Chapter 2