Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни

Words and Expressions:

parade парад

heaven рай, небеса

harp арфа

to push нажимать, толкать

button кнопка

to earn зарабатывать

to punch бить кулаком

expressway скоростная дорога, проспект

pink розовый

two-tone двухцветный

to roar реветь, рычать, грохотать

organ муз. орган

celestial небесный

complexion цвет лица

U-turn поворот на 180 градусов

to charge back разг. рвануть назад

to stalk up подходить с гордым видом

tiny маленький

insignificant незначительный

huge огромный

to head out into двигаться к чему-л.

to play full blast сленг играть во всю мочь

Shush ! Тихо!

Section 56 St. patrick\'s day engagement

An Irishman, by the name of O\'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick\'s Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn\'t real.

The young lass on learning it wasn\'t real returned it to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

«It was in honor of St. Patrick\'s Day,» he smiled. «I gave you a sham rock.»

Words and Expressions:

engagement помолвка

to propose делать предложение

ring кольцо

synthetic синтетический

diamond алмаз

lass разг. девушка, возлюбленная

jeweler ювелир

vehement неистовый, пылкий

in honor в честь

sham поддельный

rock камень

shamrock трилистник (национальная эмблема Ирландии)

Section 57 At the post office

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I\'m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, \'Guess who?\' "

«But why?» asks the curious fellow.

«I\'m a divorce lawyer,» the gentleman replies.

Words and Expressions:

bald лысый

balding лысеющий

counter прилавок, стойка

methodically методично

to place зд. наклеивать

stamp марка

envelope конверт

heart сердце

perfume духи

to spray разбрызгивать

scent духи

to sign подписывать

lawyer адвокат

his curiosity getting the better of him любопытство берет в нем верх

Guess who? Догадайся, от кого это?

Section 58 A letter of apology

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a «dirty son of a bitch» to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year\'s Eve Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today and as this is my last day, I\'d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to everyone personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.

First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for all the things I called you that evening. I\'m very much aware that your father is not a baboon, nor your mother a Chinese whore. Your wife is a delightful woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination. Your children are undoubtedly yours, too. About the water cooler incident, you\'ll never know how badly I feel about it, and I hope you didn\'t hurt your head when they were trying to get the glass jug off.

To Mary, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must remind you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the stairway as much as I did until the bannister broke and we fell eight feet to the second floor landing. In spite of the rupture you incurred when I landed on top of you, I am sure you will admit that when we landed it was one of the biggest thrills you have ever had.