Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

7.Put the verbs into proper forms:

1. When the young couple were getting married, they (to decide) _______ they (to celebrate) _______ their first night together.

2. He said that he (to go) _______ to the bathroom in the morning.

3. Morning came and the groom (to go) _______ into the bathroom but (to find) _______ no towel there.

4. When she got to the bathroom door, he (already to open) _______ it from inside.

5. She said that was all that they (to leave) _______.

8.Render the joke.

Section 12 The groom's childhood diseases

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time.

He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. «What happened to your feet?» his wife asked.

«I had a childhood disease called tolio.»

«Don't you mean polio?»

«No, tolio, it only affects the toes.»

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. «What happened to your knees?» she asked.

«Well, I also had kneesles.»

«Don't you mean measles?»

«No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.»

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»

Study the words and expressions given below:

toe палец ноги

to twist скручивать

to discolor обесцвечивать

disease болезнь

polioразг. полиомиелит

to affect влиять t

o removeзд. снимать

to reveal открывать

awful ужасный

knee колено

measles корь

shorts трусы, шорты

to gasp задыхаться, открывать рот от изумления

smallpox оспа

smallcox результат игры слов, наложения семантики слова smallpox на просматривающееся через контекст слово cock, которое в силу этого приобретает оттенки значения «маленький»

to get undressed раздеться

awful lookingразг. awfully looking выглядящий ужасно

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. What were the newlyweds doing for the first time?

2. What did the groom's toes look like?

3. How did he explain the condition of his feet?

4. What was wrong with his knees and how did he account for this fact?

5. When he removed his shorts, what disease did his wife suspect he might have had?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. Two newlyweds _______ their honeymoon.

2. His toes were _______ twisted and discolored.

3. What _______ to your feet?

4. I had a _______ disease called tolio.

5. It only _______ the toes.

6. He _______ his pants and _______ a pair of knees.

3. Match the two parts of the sentences:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Он снял ботинки и носки.

2. Что случилось с пальцами твоих ног?

3. У меня была детская болезнь – корь.

4. Он обнажил ужасно выглядящую пару коленок.

5. Она оказывает воздействие только на колени.

6. Его жена открыла рот от удивления и сказала: «Не говори мне, что у тебя еще была и оспа».

Revise English Grammar

В предложении His toes were all twisted and discolored… используются глаголы в форме пассивного залога.

Проверьте свое знание данной формы, при необходимости справляясь в грамматическом комментарии (раздел 14).

6. Put the verbs in brackets into Passive:

1. Two newlyweds (to invite) _______ to their friend's house to spend the honeymoon there last year.

2. Just you wait! The shoes (to take off) _______ in a moment.

3. The socks (to dry) _______ at present.

4. My toes (to twist) _______ because of the disease I had in childhood.

5. At last the pants (to remove) _______.

6. His knees definitely (to affect) _______ by polio.

7.Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:

1. His wife asked, «What happened to your feet?»

2. He said to her, «I had a childhood disease called tolio.»

3. She said, «Do you mean polio?»

4. She asked, «What happened to your knees?»

5. He said, «I also had kneesles.»

6. She said, «Are you having anything now?»

7. He said, «It only affects the knees.»

8. She asked, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»

8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:

1. (t…) палец ноги, 2. (d…) болезнь, 3. (r…) снимать, удалять, 4. (r… ) открывать, 5. (а… ) изумление, 6. (h… ) здоровый, 7. (w… ) бороться, 8. (g… ) стонать, 9. (b… ) невеста, 10. (а…) ужасный.

9. Render the joke.

Section 13 A couple at the zoo