Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic (я также диабетик). If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar (если я это сделаю, у меня будет очень мало сахара в крови; low — низкий)."

"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line (хорошо, тогда мне нужно, чтобы вы вышли сюда и прошли по этой белой линии)."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not? (почему)"

"Because I'm too drunk to do that! (потому что я слишком пьян, чтобы это сделать)"

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need an urine sample."

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too drunk to do that!"

Why not?

A man went to the Police Station (человек пришел в полицейский участок) wishing to speak with the burglar (желая побеседовать с грабителем) who had broken into his house the night before (который влез в его дом накануне ночью).

"You'll get your chance in court (у вас будет эта возможность в суде)," said the sergeant (сказал сержант).

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know (я хочу знать) how he got into the house without waking my wife (как он попал в дом, не разбудив моей жены). I've been trying to do that for years! (я пытался это сделать /многие/ годы)"

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

I've been trying to do that for years!

Two robbers were robbing a hotel (два вора грабили отель). The first one said (первый сказал), "I hear sirens. Jump! (я слышу сирены. Прыгай; siren ['saI@rIn])"

The second one (второй) said, "But we're on the 13th floor! (но мы на 13-м этаже)"

The first one screamed back (прокричал в ответ), "This is no time to be superstitious (нет времени быть суеверными)."

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

This is no time to be superstitious!

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations (клиент госпиталя, где делали пересадку мозга) asked about the prices (спрашивал о расценках).

The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs (ну, этот мозг доктора философии /Ph.D. — Doctor of philosophy/ стоит) $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist (этот мозг принадлежал главному ученому НАСА: Национального управления по аэронавтике и исследованию космического пространства) and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000 (здесь у нас также есть мозг полицейского. Он стоит 50.000)."

The client asked, "What? How's that possible? (Что? Как это "возможно" = может быть)"

The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused (вы видите, он абсолютно не использован)."

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.

The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."

The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"

The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."

What? How's that possible?