Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

Many weeks go by and again Benny and his friend get together.

"So, have you found the perfect girl? One that's just like your mother?"

Benny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start and they have become good friends."

"So, do I owe you a Mazel Tov? Are you and this girl engaged yet?"

"I'm afraid not. My father can't stand her!"

What's the matter?

Are you really that fussy?

Surely you can find someone who suits you.

So I keep on looking.

They have become good friends.

I'm afraid not.

I can't stand him!

A guy goes into confession (один «парень» идет на исповедь) and says to the priest (и говорит священнику), "Father, I'm 80 years old, married (женат), have four kids (у меня четыре ребенка) and 11 grandchildren (внуков), and last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls (а прошлой ночью у меня было свидание с двумя восемнадцатилетними девушками; affair — связь). I made love with both of them (я занимался любовью с обеими) twice (дважды)."

The priest said: "Well, my son (сын мой), when was the last time you were in confession? (когда последний раз вы были на исповеди)"

"Never Father (никогда, отец), I'm Jewish (я еврей)."

"So then (ну тогда), why are you telling me? (зачем вы мне /это/ рассказываете)"

"I'm telling everybody (/а/ я всем: «каждому» рассказываю)."

A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love with both of them twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody."