Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

The rabbi of Chelm and one of his students (и один из его учеников) were spending the night (проводили ночь /to spend-spent-spent — тратить, расходовать; проводить /время/) at the inn (в гостинице). The student asked the servant (попросил слугу) to wake him at dawn (разбудить его на заре) because he was to take an early train (так как ему нужно было попасть на ранний поезд). The servant did so (так и сделал). Not wishing (не желая) to wake the rabbi, the student groped in the dark for his clothes (нащупал в темноте свою одежду) and, in his haste (в спешке), he put on (надел) the long rabbinical gabardine (длинный габардин рабби — длиннополый кафтан из грубого сукна). He hurried to the station (поспешил на станцию), and, as he entered the train (когда сел: «вошел» в поезд), he was struck dumb with amazement (онемел от изумления; struck — сражен /to strike-struck-struck/; dumb — немой) as he looked at himself (когда посмотрел на себя) in the compartment mirror (в зеркало купе).

"What an idiot that servant is!" he cried angrily (крикнул сердито). "I asked him to wake me, instead (вместо этого) he went and woke the rabbi! (он пошел и разбудил рабби)"

The rabbi of Chelm and one of his students were spending the night at the inn. The student asked the servant to wake him at dawn because he was to take an early train. The servant did so. Not wishing to wake the rabbi, the student groped in the dark for his clothes and, in his haste, he put on the long rabbinical gabardine. He hurried to the station, and, as he entered the train, he was struck dumb with amazement as he looked at himself in the compartment mirror.

"What an idiot that servant is!" he cried angrily. "I asked him to wake me, instead he went and woke the rabbi!"

I was struck dumb with amazement.

The rabbi was fed up (был пресыщен, ему надоела /to feed-fed-fed — кормить, питать) with his congregation (паства). So, he decided to skip the services (итак, поэтому он решил пропустить богослужения) on Yom Kippur, the holiest day (самый священный день) on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf (и вместо этого пойти поиграть в гольф).

Moses (Моисей) was looking down from heaven (смотрел вниз с небес) and saw the rabbi on the golf course (и увидел рабби на гольфовом поле, на гольфовой дорожке /to see-saw-seen/). He naturally (естественно) reported it to God (передал, сообщил это Богу). Moses suggested (предложил) God punish (наказать) the rabbi severely (строго; severely [sI'vI@lI]).

As he watched (когда он посмотрел), Moses saw the rabbi playing the best game (играющего лучшую игру) he had ever played! (которую он когда-либо играл) The rabbi got a hole-in-one (загнал мяч; hole-in-one — высшее достижение при игре в гольф) on the toughest hole (в самую трудную лунку; tough — тугой, плотный; трудный) on the course. Moses turned to God and asked (повернулся к Богу и спросил), "I thought you were going to punish him (я думал, ты собираешься наказать его /to think-thought-thought/). Do you call this punishment?! (ты называешь это наказанием)"

God replied, "Who can he tell? (кому он может рассказать /об этом/)"

The rabbi was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.

Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely.

As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi playing the best game he had ever played! The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course. Moses turned to God and asked, "I thought you were going to punish him. Do you call this punishment?!"

God replied, "Who can he tell?"