Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding (вы не гнали, не превысили скорости), but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers (но вы должны знать, что вождение медленнее лимита скорости может тоже представлять опасность для других водителей)."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour! (нет, сэр, я ехала точно по лимиту скорости, 22 мили в час)" the old woman says a bit proudly (с некоторой гордостью: «немножко гордо»).

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle (пытаясь сдержать смешок), explains to her (объясняет ей) that "22" was the route number (что "22" — это номер дороги), not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed (несколько растерянная, смущенная), the woman grinned (усмехнулась) and thanked (и поблагодарила) the officer for pointing out her error (за указание на ее ошибку).

"But before I let you go (но перед тем, как я вас отпущу), Ma'am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? (я должен спросить, все ли в этой машине нормально себя чувствуют) These women (эти женщины) seem awfully shaken (кажутся крайне потрясенными) and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time (и они не издали ни звука за все это время; to mutter — бормотать; peep — писк)," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer (о, они будут в порядке через минуту, офицер). We just got off Route 142 (мы только что выехали с шоссе 142)."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."

What seems to be the problem?

A man speaks frantically into the phone (человек говорит взволнованно в телефон; frantic — неистовый, лихорадочный), "My wife is pregnant (моя жена беременна), and her contractions are only two minutes apart! (и у нее схватки с промежутком в две минуты; apart — в стороне, отдельно, порознь)"

"Is this her first child? (это ее первый ребенок)" — the doctor queries (доктор спрашивает).

"No, you idiot! (нет, вы идиот; idiot ['IdI@t])" the man shouts (кричит). "This is her husband! (это ее муж)"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

No, you idiot!

A woman got on a bus holding a baby (женщина села в автобус, держа на руках ребенка).

The bus driver said (водитель автобуса сказал), "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen (это самый уродливый ребенок, какого я когда-либо видел)."