Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

The rabbi hands (дает, передает) the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle (пьет полбутылки) and hands the bottle back (обратно) to the rabbi.

The rabbi takes (берет) the bottle and immediately puts the cap on (тут же надевает крышку), then hands it back to the priest.

The priest, baffled (сбитый с толку), asks (спрашивает), "Aren't you having any, rabbi? (а разве вы не будете немного, рабби)"

The rabbi replies, "Nah… I think I'll wait for the police (нет, я думаю, я подожду полицию)."

A rabbi and a priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.

Just look at our cars.

There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.

This must be a sign from God!"

Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.

This must surely be a sign from God!"

The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!

Here's another miracle!

My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine did not break.

Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."

The priest nods in agreement.

The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.

The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.

The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, rabbi?"

The rabbi replies, "Nah… I think I'll wait for the police."

I agree with you completely.

Aren't you having any?

Juggler (жонглер), driving to his next performance (ехавший на свое очередное выступление), was stopped by the police (был остановлен полицией). "What are those knives doing in your car? (что эти ножи делают в вашей машине)" asked the officer (спросил офицер).

"I juggle them in my act (я жонглирую ими в моем номере)."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop (говорит полицейский). "Let's see you do it (посмотрим = покажи, как ты это делаешь)."

So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives (и жонглер начинает подбрасывать ножи и жонглировать ими).

A guy driving by (человек, проезжающий мимо) sees this (видит это) and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking (я рад, что я бросил пить). Look at the test they're making you do now! (посмотри на тест, который они заставляют тебя пройти теперь)"

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."

So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

Wow, am I glad I quit drinking.

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady, it says here (здесь говорится) that you should be wearing glasses (что вы должны носить очки)."

The woman answered (женщина ответила), "Well, I have contacts (ну, у меня контакты = контактные линзы)."

The policeman replied, "I don't care who you know! (мне все равно, кого вы знаете, с кем вы знакомы) You're getting a ticket! (вы получаете штрафной талон)"

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered, "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied, "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

Well, I have contacts.