Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

On the drive home (по пути /в машине/ домой) the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog? (ты заметил что-нибудь необычное в моем новом псе)"

"I sure did (конечно, да)," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim (он не умеет плавать)."

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Did you notice anything unusual about it?

Tom was so excited (был так взволнован) about his promotion (по поводу своего продвижения по службе) to Vice President (до вице-президента) of the company he worked for (компании, в которой он работал) and kept bragging (продолжал хвастаться) about it (этим: «об этом») to his wife (своей жене) for weeks (недели напролет).

Finally (наконец) she couldn't take it any longer (она не могла терпеть, выносить это дольше), and told him (и сказала ему /to tell-told-told/), "Listen (послушай), it means nothing (это ничего не значит), they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store! («у них» есть даже главный (вице-президент) по гороху в продуктовом магазине)."

"Really? (правда)" he said (сказал он /to say-said-said/). Not sure if this was true or not (неуверенный в том, правда это или нет), Tom decided to call (решил позвонить) the grocery store.

A clerk answers (секретарь отвечает) and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas? (пожалуйста, могу я поговорить с вице-президентом по гороху)"

The clerk replies (отвечает), "Canned or frozen? (консервированному или замороженному; to freeze — замораживать)"

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

Listen, it means nothing.

Really?

Can I please talk to the Vice President?

Two men were digging a ditch (двое /людей/ копали ров) on a very hot day (очень жарким днем).

One said to the other (один сказал другому), "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch (почему мы внизу в этой дыре, яме копаем ров) when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree? (когда наш начальник стоит там наверху в тени дерева)"

"I don't know (я не знаю)," responded the other (ответил другой). "I'll ask him (я спрошу его)."

So he climbed out of the hole (он вылез из ямы) and went to his boss (и подошел к начальнику). "Why (почему) are we digging in the hot sun (на жарком солнце) and you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence (смекалка; сообразительность /- вот причина/)," the boss said.

"What do you mean, 'intelligence'? (что вы имеете в виду, сообразительность)"