Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

He was again surprised (он был опять удивлен) that Homer supplied a correct answer (дал: «предоставил» правильный ответ) that he had never thought of himself (до которого он сам никогда не додумывался).

"Now Homer, listen carefully (слушай внимательно): Who killed (кто убил) Abraham Lincoln?"

Homer looked a little surprised himself (посмотрел несколько удивленно "сам" = в свою очередь), then thought really hard (затем действительно серьезно подумал) for a minute (с минуту) and finally admitted (и, наконец, признался), "I don't know (я не знаю)."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while? (ну, почему бы тебе не пойти домой и не поработать над этим пока что, какое-то время)"

So, Homer wandered over to the pool hall (вышел в холл бюро) where his pals (где его приятели) were waiting to hear the results of the interview (ждали, "чтобы услышать" результаты собеседования). Homer was exultant (ликующий; exultant [ɪɡˈzʌlt(ǝ)nt]).

"It went great! (прошло замечательно) First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case! (в первый день работы я уже работаю над делом об убийстве)"

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Homer — who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket — went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Homer, what is 1 and 1?"

"11," he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that Homer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Homer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Homer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Homer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Homer was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

That's not what I meant.

It went great!

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife (заключенный в тюрьме получил письмо от своей жены):

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden (я решила посадить салат в огороде; lettuce [ˈletɪs]). When is the best time to plant them? (когда лучшее время сажать его)"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards (зная, что тюремные охранники) read all the mail (читают всю почту), replied in a letter (ответил в письме):

"Dear Wife (милая жена), whatever you do (что бы ты ни делала), DO NOT touch the back garden! (не трогай огород) That is where I hid all the gold (там я спрятал все золото /to hide-hid-hidden/)."

A week or so later (неделю или около того спустя), he received another (другое) letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened (ты не поверишь, что случилось). Some men came with shovels (несколько мужчин пришли с лопатами) to the house (к дому), and dug up the whole back garden (и перекопали весь огород /to dig-dug-dug/)."

The prisoner wrote (написал /to write-wrote-written/) another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce! (сейчас — лучшее время сажать салат)"

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

You wouldn't believe what happened!