Аполлион

Twisting my fingers together, I tried to smile. “How long will we be on the road?”

“We’re looking at about ten hours.”

Yikes. “Deacon’s riding with us?”

“Yes. So are Luke and Marcus. Solos is taking the girls.”

Something stirred restlessly in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to name it. “You think that’s okay?”

Aiden placed his hand over mine, stilling them. “Olivia and Lea are very good. You know that.”

They were. Especially Lea—she was like She-Ra. And Solos and Marcus had gone out earlier, picking up two throwaway cell phones to help us keep in communication.

“And you know Solos will never let anything happen to them. Neither will Laadan.” As he spoke, he eased my hands apart and threaded his fingers through mine. “We have six hundred miles of no man’s land to get through. We’re going to be okay.”

That thing in my stomach tipped over. “I’m not afraid.”

“I didn’t say that you were.”

My eyes narrowed.

Aiden cracked a grin. “But you are.”

“I’m—”

“Do I need to find a sensory deprivation chamber again?” When my cheeks flushed at the memory, his grin spread into a full smile. Deep dimples appeared and, instead of my stomach tumbling, my heart did. “It’s okay, Alex.”

“What is?” My voice sounded terribly fragile, and normally I would’ve hated that, especially considering I was this big bad Apollyon, but with Aiden, I didn’t need to pretend. Sometimes I forgot that, though.

“To be afraid, Alex, it’s okay. What we’re facing is some scary… shit.”

I smiled then. “You cussed.”

“I did.”

My smile quickly faded though, because we werefacing some scary shit. Crap that Aiden didn’t even know the half of. “Are you scared?”

For a moment, he didn’t answer. All that could be heard were the slow, steady ticking of the ancient wall clock and the distant chirping of the birds outside the rustic log walls. “Yes.”

Hearing him admit that was both relieving and frightening. “You’re never afraid.”

Aiden shook his head, his smile slipping into a wry one. “You know that’s not true. There’re a lot of things that terrify me, Alex.”

I met his eyes. “Tell me.”

Stretching out beside me, he tugged me over so my cheek was pressed against his chest. “I’m afraid that Deacon is going to get hurt… or worse. I’m afraid that we will lose more people.” There was a pause and his heart picked up under my cheek. “I’m terrified of what you’re going to face—what you have to do and how it’s going to affect you.”

My breath caught around a denial as I curled my fingers into the sheet tangled around his hips. “I’ll be okay.” Those words were bitter on my tongue.

His chest rose sharply. “I don’t want you to be okay.”

I lifted my head so I could see his eyes. They were a dark gray and shadowed. He tried for a smile, but like mine earlier, it looked pained.

“I want you to be more than okay.” Aiden cupped my cheek gently. “I don’t want you to have nightmares for the rest of your life, and see Seth’s face instead of your mother’s. I don’t want thisto haunt you.”

Suddenly, everything felt too real and I was too close. Sitting up, I put some space between us, but I still felt hot and suffocated. “I know what has to be done.”

And I also knew what that likely meant for me.

He followed, capturing the newly gained distance. His face, those beautiful lips were only inches from mine. “I know, Alex. I also know that you’re going to do it, because I cannot even think for one second that you will fail. You can’t. You won’t.”

At the pain and determination in his voice, I pressed my lips together. Failing and succeeding kind of ended the same.

“Look at me,” he ordered.

I hadn’t realized I’d looked away, but I felt his hand on my cheek. He guided my chin up until our eyes locked and I couldn’t move.

“But I also know that killing Seth isn’t going to be easy, and I don’t mean on a physical level. I know deep down you care for him. Maybe a part of you even loves him.”

Horrified of what he must think, because he’d nailed it right on the head, I shook my head. “Aiden—”

“I understand.” The small grin that played on his lips was real. “I know it’s not the same as what you feel for me, but it doesn’t make it any less strong or important.”

“He…” I didn’t know what to say. Aiden was right. Part of me still loved Seth, and it wasn’t in the way I felt for Aiden, but it wasn’t any less real or powerful. Even after all that Seth had done, I couldn’t forget all that he had done beforethat. It had been the same with my mom, but in the end, I had taken her life like it had been fated all along.

You’ll kill the ones you love…

Aiden’s forehead pressed against mine. “Seth was there for you when you needed someone. You guys share this bond that… that is more than him connecting with you. We broke the connection, but there’s something else underneath that. He’s a part of you.”

I drew in a surprised breath. “He’s… he’s done such terrible things.”