Baba Yaga Laid an Egg

‘Horrified, the old man bursts into tears and asks whether it is possible that it is her, and where has her beauty vanished, is it really possible that the heavens have changed her so terribly? And he asks how much time has passed since their last meeting. Naina replies:

“Just forty years”
The maiden’s faithful tones responded;
“My age is seventy today.
Such is the way of things,” she quavered,
“In swarms the years have flown away.
My spring, or yours, will not be savoured
Afresh – we both are old and grey.
But friend, is life without allure
Because inconstant youth forsook it?
My hair is white now, to be sure,
Perhaps I am a little crooked,
A trifle slower to entice,
Not quite as lively, quite as nice;
But then (she mouthed) let me confess:
I have become a sorceress!”’[3]

Arnoš recited in Russian with a strong Czech accent. Perhaps it was because of the accent that Kukla and Beba had no problem understanding him.

‘And what happens next?’ they asked.

‘Next? Um…’ said Arnoš, ‘next we have an interesting and psychologically most satisfying situation. Naina says that she has only now realised that “her heart was fated for tender passion” and invites him into her embrace. However, the old man is profoundly revolted by the physical appearance of his “wizened idol”:

My wizened idol warmed to me

With passion, started to importune,

On withered lips a ghastly smile,

In churchyard tones she would beguile,

Avowals, hoarsely wheezed, she offered…

‘The old man refuses to acknowledge reality,’ continued Arnoš. ‘He flees from Naina and resolves that he would prefer to live as a hermit. What is more he accuses Naina in front of Ruslan of transmuting “thwarted love’s belated flame to ire”.’

Arnoš puffed impressively on his cigar.

‘Why yes, the old witch!’ said Pupa, rousing herself from her slumber.

They all laughed, apart from Beba…

‘Naina apologises for her ugliness. But the old man does not see himself as either ugly or old!’ said Beba.

‘What misogyny!’ said Kukla. It seemed that she too had taken Naina’s story to heart.

‘I agree,’ said Arnoš.

‘Women are more compassionate than men in every way!’

‘You’re right,’ said Arnoš.

‘What a moron!’ said Beba bitterly, still mulling over the character of the wise old man.

‘What else could she do but become a witch!’ said Kukla, who was still protesting in Naina’s name.

‘Our whole life is a search for love, which you, Kukla, based on the example of a Russian fairytale, have identified as – an egg,’ concluded Arnoš. ‘Our search is frustrated by numerous snares that lie in wait for us on our journey. One of the most dangerous snares is time. We need only be one second late and we will have lost our chance of happiness.’

‘That right moment is called death, my dear Arnoš, an orgasm from which we no longer awaken. Because the logic of love is to end in death. And as none of us accepts that option, we all bear the consequences. Old age is simply one of them,’ said Beba.

They were all astonished by Beba’s eloquence.

‘All that is left us is the art of dignified ageing,’ said Arnoš.

‘Dignified ageing is crap!’ announced Pupa, putting an end to the discussion.

It was already quite late and the little group decided to disperse. Arnoš Kozeny saw the ladies to the lift, kissed each one’s hand and, before the lift door closed, he blew them a kiss for good measure.

In the lift Beba said:

On obol’stil menya, neschastny!
Ja otdalas’ lyubvy strastnoy…
Izmennik! Izverg! O pozor!
No trepeshchi, devichiy vor!

[4]

Kukla and Pupa listened in surprise.

‘You know Russian?’ asked Kukla.

‘No. Why do you ask?’ asked Beba.

Beba had quoted a stanza from Pushkin’s Ruslan and Lyudmila. Aside from her occasional lapses, this was another of her quirks: she would from time to time blurt out something in languages she otherwise had no mastery of. These attacks occurred to Beba out of the blue, as in a dream, and so Kukla and Pupa did not wake her.

And what about us? We carry on. While in life we stop to greet a friend, the tale speeds to embrace its end.

8.