Big Trouble

"Sorry," said Matt, stabbing the stereo power button. He put the Kia into drive, and the two teenagers set off toward Jenny's house, both of them shaken, both of them looking forward to turning this scary situation over to responsible grown-ups.

In the rental car outside the entrance to the Jolly Jackal, Henry and Leonard were waiting for the armed robbery, which they viewed as none of their business, to be completed, so they could continue tailing Arthur Herk. Leonard was attempting to tell Henry a joke about a lady being examined by a doctor with a thick Japanese accent.

" ... so the doctor says to the lady, 'Rady, I see your probrem.' And the lady says, 'What is it, doctor?' And the doctor says, 'You have Ed Zachary disease.' And the lady says, 'Oh no! Ed Zachary disease! Is that serious?' And the doctor says, 'Oh yes, Ed Zachary disease very serious.' And the lady says, 'What does it mean?' And the doctor says, 'It mean your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.' "

Henry sighed.

"Get it?" said Leonard. "Your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass! Whoo. Who thinks this shit up?"

Henry turned the radio back on.

 ... point is that all these Gators ever do is talk trash, and then when they lose, you don't hear a peep out of 'em.

Well, I'M a Gator, OK? I'm a Gator, and I'm talkin' to you right now, so what's your problem?

My problem is that you weren't calling until I SAID no Gators were calling. THEN all of a sudden there's all these Gators calling.

I would of called before. I'm not afraid to call.

But you DIDN'T call. You're calling now, but before I SAID there were no Gators calling, there were no Gators calling, including you.

OK, but I'm calling, OK? You hear me on the phone now, right? I'm a Gator, and I'm ...

Henry turned the radio back off.

"Those guys need a hobby," he said.

"Maybe they should jack off more," said Leonard. "If that's possible."

"Seriously," said Henry, "do you think any of those guys could name the vice president of the United States?"

"Hah," said Leonard, who in fact was not certain that he could name the vice president, either. He knew it was a guy in a suit, but he wasn't sure which one. The car was silent for a moment, then Leonard, who did not handle silence well, said, "Your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ... "

"Shut up," said Henry.

The door to the Jolly Jackal had opened. Arthur Herk was coming out.

"There's our boy," said Henry. "Looks like he developed a limp."

Puggy came out next, lugging the suitcase.

"Who's that?" said Leonard.

"I believe that's Tarzan," said Henry, silting up.

"Who?" said Leonard.

"Guy who jumped on me from the tree at our boy's house," said Henry.

"What the fuck's he doin' here?" asked Leonard. "And what's in the suitcase?"

"We are definitely gonna find that out," said Henry.

Snake limped out, holding the gun, followed by Eddie.

"Great idea, panty hose on your head," said Henry.

"Whyn't they just wear a big sign that says 'Armed Robber.'"

The four men went to Arthur's Lexus. Puggy, with Snake directing, put the suitcase into the trunk. Then they got into the car—Arthur driving, with Snake next to him; Puggy and Eddie in the back, with Puggy behind Arthur, where Snake could watch him. There was a moment of discussion, and the car started moving. Five seconds later, Henry put the rental in gear and followed.

"Where you think they're going?" asked Leonard. "Our boy's house?"

"Ed Zachary," said Henry.

seven

Miami police officer Monica Ramirez could feel the pout vibes radiating from her partner, Walter Kramitz, as they patrolled westbound on Grand Avenue in their police cruiser. Walter was pouting because of what had happened forty-five minutes earlier, when they were eating dinner at the Burger King on 27th Avenue.

What happened was, Walter finally made his move. Monica knew he was getting ready, because he'd been displaying his biceps even more than usual, which was a lot. Walter had very large biceps; he kept them inflated by doing hundreds of curls per day. He rolled up the already short sleeves of his uniform shirt so their whole studly bulging masculine vastness was on display. At the Burger King, he was giving Monica a good view of them, flexing them when he raised his Whopper to his mouth, as though it weighed fifty pounds.

"So," he said, with elaborate casualness, "I was thinking maybe you and me could get together sometime?"

"Walter," she said, "we're together all the time. We're together now."

"You know what I mean," he said.

Of course she knew what he meant. He meant let's have sex. Monica had discovered that's what guys always meant when they said, Maybe we could get together. Their other favorite way of putting it was, Maybe we could get to know each other better. What they'd like to get to know was how you looked with no clothes on. But they could never just say it, just come right out and say, Hey, let's have sex.

"No," said Monica, "I don't know what you mean. What do you mean?"