Big Trouble

Snake shot Jerry Springer, who disappeared in a violent implosion of glass shards. Everybody, Snake included, flinched at the gunshot; Arthur made a whimpering sound. It was Snake's first real effort to shoot anything, and he was pretty surprised to have hit the target, which was now a smoking hole in the plastic TV cabinet. It made him feel good; he took it as an indication that he was well suited to this new line of work.

"Now," said Snake to Eddie, "open the damn suitcase."

Muttering, Eddie pulled the panty hose waist off of the lower part of his face and shuffled back around the bar to the suitcase, which was lying on its side. He fumbled with the latches and finally got them unfastened. With his hand on the lid, he looked up at Snake.

"What if it is a bomb?" he asked.

"Open it," said Snake.

Gingerly, Eddie opened the lid and looked inside.

"What is it?" said Snake.

"Beats the shit outta me," said Eddie. "It ain't money, tell you that."

Snake stepped closer and looked at the contents of the suitcase. He couldn't tell what it was, either. It looked kind of like a garbage disposal. But he knew it had to be something important. That much he knew. Maybe it was some kind of drug container. Or maybe emeralds were in there; somebody told Snake once that drug kingpins always had emeralds. Whatever it was, Snake saw this as an opportunity, after a lifetime of being a low-life scum, to show some initiative, to do something with his sorry self, to move up the ladder to the level of big-time scum. But how should he handle it? He knew he needed to think, and think hard. He aimed the gun at Leo, behind the bar.

"Gimme a drink," he said.

Leo poured a vodka and set it on the bar. Snake picked it up and attempted to slug it down, but, because he was wearing panty hose on his head, much of it dribbled down the front of his T-shirt. On the floor, John snorted. Snake whirled and pointed the gun at him.

"You think that's funny?" he said.

"No," said John.

"All right," said Snake. "Here's what we're gonna do. You got a car?" He was looking at Arthur.

Arthur nodded.

"Outside here?"

Arthur nodded again.

"Gimme your car keys."

Arthur tossed Snake the keys.

"OK," said Snake. "Eddie, I want you ... "

"Stop sayin' my name!" said Eddie.

"OK, whoever you are, latch up the suitcase." said Snake, "We're goin' for a ride. You're goin' with us." He pointed the gun at Arthur.

"You don't want me!" said Arthur. "You want these other guys! They're Russians! They sell missiles! There's ten thousand dollars in that briefcase there!"

"Yeah, right," said Snake. These drug kingpins would try to tell you anything.

"No!" said Arthur. "I'm telling you, there's ten thou—"

"Shut up, asshole," said Snake, aiming the gun at Arthur.

Arthur shut up.

"OK, Ed ... you," said Snake. "Pick up the suitcase."

Eddie grabbed the handle and heaved. The suitcase barely moved.

"It's too heavy," said Eddie.

"Do I gotta do everything?" asked Snake. He stepped over and yanked on the suitcase handle and damn that thing was heavy. Snake pondered for a moment, then remembered who was carrying the suitcase when he came in.

He kicked Puggy, who was still curled fetally on the floor, hoping to be forgotten.

"Pick up the suitcase," said Snake.

Slowly, Puggy stood up. His nose had bled a streak down the side of his cheek. He picked up the suitcase with one hand and stood holding it.

Snake turned to Leo. "You," he said. "Get back around here and go sit next to your friend."

 Warily, Leo came around the bar. As he passed Snake, Snake slugged him on the back of the head with the barrel of the gun. Snake thought this would cause him to collapse to the ground, unconscious, because that's what always happened to people on TV when they got slugged on the head with guns. Instead, the gun went off, shooting a bullet into the ceiling, and Leo lurched forward, clasping his hand to his head and going "OW!"

Snake, trying to act as though this was exactly what he had wanted to happen, said, "That'll teach you to hit people with bats. Now siddown with your friend there."

Leo sat on the floor next to John.

Snake, in his most menacing voice, told them, "If you assholes try to call the cops after we leave, next bullet goes through your head."

This threat did not make logical sense, but John and Leo chose not to point this out.

Eddie shuffled over and put his head close to Snake's so that they could have a confidential conference, panty hose to panty hose. Eddie whispered, "Where the./wc/t're we goin'?"

"That guy's house," whispered Snake, indicating Arthur.

"Why the fuck we doin' that?" whispered Eddie.

"Because," said Snake, "this here is a drug kingpin, and we got 'im by the balls, and he has some-thin' good in that suitcase, which we are gonna find out what it is, and I bet he got a lot more good stuff at his house." Snake knew, from Miami Vice, that drug kingpins lived in big, modern houses with stashes of valuable drugs and cash money. Also fine-looking women who were attracted to powerful lawless men with guns.