Billy Summers

After checking out the roulette table, Billy guides her there and buys her fifty dollars’ worth of chips, all the while telling himself bad idea, bad idea. Her beginner’s luck is phenomenal. In ten minutes she’s up two hundred dollars and people are cheering her on. Billy doesn’t care for that, so he guides her to a bank of five-dollar slots where she spends half an hour and wins another thirty bucks. Then she turns to him and says, ‘Push the button and look, push the button and look, rinse and repeat. It’s kinda stupid, isn’t it?’

Billy shrugs but can’t help smiling. He remembers Robin Maguire saying it’s only a grin when your teeth show, and then it’s nothing else.

‘You said it, not me,’ he says. And shows his teeth.

7

After the casino they go to the Century 16 and see not one movie but two, a comedy and an action flick. When they come out of that one, it’s almost dark.

‘How about something to eat?’ Alice asks.

‘Happy to stop somewhere if you want, but I’m full of popcorn and Sour Patch Kids.’

‘Maybe just a sandwich. Want to hear something nice about my mom?’

‘Sure.’

‘Every now and then, if I was good, we’d have what she called a special day. I could have pancakes with chocolate chips for breakfast and then do almost anything I wanted, like have an egg cream at the Green Line Apothecary, or get a stuffed animal – if it was cheap – or ride the bus to the end of the line, which I liked to do. Stupid kid, huh?’

‘No,’ Billy says.

She takes his hand, natural as anything, and swings it back and forth as they walk to the truck. ‘This day has been like that. Special.’

‘Good.’

Alice turns to him. ‘You better not get killed.’ She sounds absolutely fierce. ‘You just better not.’

‘I won’t,’ Billy says. ‘Okay?’

‘Okay,’ she agrees. ‘All okay.’

8

But that night she isn’t. Billy is sleeping just below the surface of wakefulness, or he never would have heard Alice’s knock. It’s light and tentative, almost not there at all. For a moment or two he thinks it’s part of the dream he’s having, something about Shanice Ackerman, then he’s back to the motel room on the outskirts of Vegas. He gets up, goes to the door, and looks through the peephole. She’s standing there in the baggy blue pajamas she bought on her shopping trip with Bucky. Her feet are bare and her hand is at her throat and he can hear her gasping. The gasping is louder than her knock was.

He opens up, takes her by the hand that’s not clasping her throat, and leads her into the room. As he closes the door he sings, ‘If you go down to the woods today … sing it with me, Alice.’

She shakes her head and tears in another breath. ‘—can’t—’

‘Yes you can. If you go down to the woods today …’

‘You better go …’ Whoop. ‘… in dis … dis …’ Whoop!

She’s swaying on her feet, close to fainting. Billy thinks it’s a wonder she didn’t pass out in the hall.

He gives her a shake. ‘Nope, that’s wrong. Try again. Next line.’

‘You’re sure of a big surprise?’ She’s still gasping but looks a little less likely to collapse.

‘Right. Now let’s do it together. And don’t talk it, sing it. If you go down to the woods today …’

She joins him. ‘You’re sure of a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today you better go in disguise.’ She pulls in a deep breath and lets it out in a series of jerks: huh … huh … huh. ‘Need to sit down.’

‘Before you fall down,’ Billy agrees. He still has her hand. He leads her to the chair by the window, the drape now drawn.

She sits, looks up at him, brushes her newly blonde hair off her forehead. ‘I tried in my room and it didn’t work. Why did it work now?’

‘You needed someone to duet with.’ Billy sits on the edge of the bed. ‘What was it? Bad dream?’

‘Horrible. One of those boys … those men … was stuffing a dishrag in my mouth. To make me stop yelling. Or maybe I was screaming. I think it was Jack. I couldn’t breathe. I was sure I was going to choke to death.’

‘Did they do that?’

Alice shakes her head. ‘I don’t remember.’

But Billy knows they did, and she does, too. He has experienced this sort of thing himself, although not as badly or as often as some. He didn’t keep up with the jars he knew in Iraq – Johnny Capps was the exception – but there are websites and sometimes he checks them out.

‘It’s natural, how the minds of combat survivors deal with the trauma. Or try to.’

‘Is that what I am? A combat survivor?’

‘That’s what you are. The song may not work every time. A wet cloth across your face may not work every time. There are other tricks to getting through panic attacks, you can read about them on the Internet. Sometimes, though, you just have to wait it out.’

‘I thought I was better,’ Alice whispers.

‘You are. But you’re also under stress.’ And I put you there, Billy thinks.

‘Can I stay here tonight? With you?’

He almost tells her no, then looks at her pale pleading face and thinks again, I put you there.

‘Okay.’ He wishes he was wearing more than just a pair of loose boxers, but they will have to do.