Blindsight

I looked up; Szpindel was waving me over. James rose from her chair, but it was Michelle who gave him a quick disconsolate squeeze and Sascha who grumbled past me on her way to their tent.

By the time I reached him Szpindel had unfolded the couch into a half-cot. "Lie down."

I did. "I wasn't talking about back in Rorschach, you know. I meant here. I saw something right now. When I woke up."

"Raise your left hand," he said. Then: "Just your left, eh?"

I lowered my right, winced at the pinprick. "That's a bit primitive."

He eyed the blood-filled cuvette between his thumb and forefinger: a shivering ruby teardrop the size of a fingernail. "Wet sample's still best for some things."

"Aren't the pods supposed to do everything?"

Szpindel nodded. "Call it a quality-control test. Keep the ship on its toes." He dropped the sample onto the nearest countertop. The teardrop flattened and burst; the surface drank my blood as if parched. Szpindel smacked his lips. "Elevated cholinesterase inhibitors in the ret. Yum."

For all I knew, my blood results actually did taste good to the man. Szpindel didn't just read results; he felt them, smelled and saw and experienced each datum like drops of citrus on the tongue. The whole BioMed subdrum was but a part of the Szpindel prosthesis: an extended body with dozens of different sensory modes, forced to talk to a brain that knew only five.

No wonder he'd bonded with Michelle. He was almost synesthesiac himself.

"You spent a bit longer in there than the rest of us," he remarked.

"That's significant?"

A jerking shrug. "Maybe your organs got a bit more cooked than ours. Maybe you just got a delicate constitution. Your pod would've caught anything—imminent, so I figure—ah."

"What?"

"Some cells along your brainpan going into overdrive. More in your bladder and kidney."

"Tumors?"

"What you expect? Rorschach's no rejuve spa."

"But the pod—"

Szpindel grimaced; his idea of a reassuring smile. "Repairs ninety-nine point nine percent of the damage, sure. By the time you get to the last zero-point-one, you're into diminishing returns. These're small, commissar. Chances are your own body'll take care of 'em. If not, we know where they live."

"The ones in my brain. Could they be causing—"

"Not a chance." He chewed on his lower lip for a moment. "Course, cancer's not all that thing did to us."

"What I saw. Up in the crypt. It had these multijointed arms from a central mass. Big as a person, maybe."

Szpindel nodded. "Get used to it."

"The others are seeing these things?"

"I doubt it. Everyone has a different take, like—" his twitching face conveyed Dare I say it? " — Rorschach blots."

"I was expecting hallucinations in the field," I admitted, "but up here?"

"TMS effects—" Szpindel snapped his fingers— "they're sticky, eh? Neurons get kicked into one state, take a while to come unstuck. You never got a TAT? Well-adjusted boy like you?"

"Once or twice," I said. "Maybe."

"Same principle."

"So I'm going to keep seeing this stuff."

"Party line is they fade over time. Week or two you're back to normal. But out here, with that thing…" He shrugged. "Too many variables. Not the least of which is, I assume we'll keep going back until Sarasti says otherwise."

"But they're basically magnetic effects."

"Probably. Although I'm not betting on anything where that fucker's concerned."

"Could something else be causing them?" I asked. "Something on this ship?"

"Like what?

"I don't know. Leakage in Theseus magnetic shielding, maybe."

"Not normally. Course, we've all got little implanted networks in our heads, eh? And you've got a whole hemisphere of prosthetics up there, who knows what kind of side-effects those might let you in for. Why? Rorschach not a good enough reason for you?"

I saw them before, I might have said.

And then Szpindel would say Oh, when? Where?

And maybe I'd reply When I was spying on your private life, and any chance of noninvasive observation would be flushed down to the atoms.

"It's probably nothing. I've just been—jumpy lately. Thought I saw something weird in the spinal bundle, back before we landed on Rorschach. Just for a second, you know, and it disappeared as soon as I focused on it."

"Multijointed arms with a central mass?"

"God no. Just a flicker, really. If it was anything at all, it was probably just Amanda's rubber ball floating around up there."

"Probably." Szpindel seemed almost amused. "Couldn't hurt to check for leakage in the shielding, though. Just in case. Not like we need something else making us see things, eh?"

I shook my head at remembered nightmares. "How are the others?"

"Gang's fine, if a bit disappointed. Haven't seen the Major." He shrugged. "Maybe she's avoiding me."

"It hit her pretty hard."

"No worse than the rest of us, really. She might not even remember it."

"How—how could she possibly believe she didn't even exist?"