Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy

* Attraction Magnets: 12 Best Conversation Topics for Dating and Pickup

* 20 Rules of Internet Dating

* The Red Flag Rules: 50 Rules to Know Whether to Keep Him or Kiss Him Goodbye

* The 99 Rules of Online Dating

* The New Rules: The Dating Dos and Don’ts for the Digital Generation

(same authors as the original

Rules

)

* The Old Dating Rules

(different authors from the original

Rules

)

* The Unwritten Rules

* The Unspoken Rules

* The Spiritual Rules for Dating, Relating and Mating

* Changing the Rules

* Love Has No Rules

* Breaking the Rules

* Dating, Fornication and Romance: Who Knew There Were Rules?

* The Anti-Rules – Now That You’ve Got Him, How Do You Get Rid of Him?

* The 30-Day Dating Detox

* Zen and the Art of Falling in Love

* Geisha Secrets

* Why Men Love Bitches

* You’re Irresistible

* He’s Just Not That Into You

* The Strategy

* The Automatic 2nd Date: Everything to Say and Do on the 1st Date to Guarantee a 2nd Date

* Getting to Third Date

* Date Dream Girl: Third Date and Beyond

* Getting to Fifth Date after Fourth Date and Sex

* Now What? Getting Beyond the Fifth-Date Hurdle

* When Mars and Venus Collide

* The Art of War for Dating

* The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating

* Dating Dead Men

* Romantic Suicide

* Dating: It’s Not Complicated

It might sound confusing, but actually it wasn’t! There was more consensus than disagreement amongst the dating masters. I studied diligently, marking up the books and making notes, searching for commonalities as if between the world’s great religions and philosophical tenets, distilling them down to a molten core of key principles:

THE DATING RULES

*Do not text when drunk.

*Always be classy, never be crazy.

*Be on time.

*Use Authentic Communication.

*Do not go to the wrong place.

*Do not confuse him. Be rational, congruent and consistent.

*Do not obsess or fantasize.

*Do not obsess or fantasize when driving.

*Respond to what is actually going on, not what you wish was going on.

*On first date just go along with whatever he suggests (unless Morris dancing, dogfight, obvious booty call, etc.)

*Be sure he makes you feel happy.

*Try to retain some vestige of objectivity.

*When he comes we welcome, when he goes we let him go.

*Don’t get stoned or pissed out of brain.

*Be calm smiling goddess of light.

*Allow things to unfold like a petal at their own pace, e.g. do not demand to make third date in insecure panic in middle of sex on second date.

*Wear something sexy but that you feel comfortable in.

*Stay calm, confident and centred re whole thing – consider meditation, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, antipsychotic medication, etc.

*Don’t come on too obviously strong, but do do sensual things like stroking stem of wine glass up and down.

*Don’t pre-arrange first-time sex.

*Don’t try to have sex too soon.

*Don’t make him feel caged.

*Never mention any of the following: exes, how fat you are, how insecure you are, problems, issues, money, cellulite, Botox, liposuction, facial peels/lasers/microdermabrasion, etc., control undergarments, possible shared parking permits when married, seating plans for wedding reception, babysitters, marriage/religion (unless you’ve just realized he’s a polygamous Mormon, in which case get blind drunk and bring up all of the previous in one hysterical gabble and excuse yourself because you feel fat and have to get back for the babysitter).

*Create beautiful memories.

*Do not text while drunk.