Burned

He remembers them standing on the balcony, greedy flames chasing them from the living room, he remembers how Jonas looked to him for support and safety, the words he said to him, words he will never forget, it’ll be fine, don’t be scared, I’ll take care of you, he remembers how they climbed up on the top rail of the balcony, he grabbed hold of his son’s hand, looked into his eyes and said it was only a little jump and they would be safe, but it was so cold, it had been raining for days, the railing was slippery, he felt it as he climbed it, but he thought that it didn’t matter what happened to him, as long as I save Jonas, I need to land first, so I can cushion his fall, Jonas can land anywhere on me, it doesn’t matter as long as he survives, and Jonas resisted, he cried, he said he didn’t want to, he was too scared, but Henning made him, his voice became strict, he said that they had to, or they would both die, he promised they would go fishing next weekend, just the two of them, once they were back on the ground, and finally Jonas nodded, shedding tears of bravery, he pulled himself together, he was a big boy. Henning’s eyes were stinging and he struggled to find his way, but he had to make it, had to be in front and do all he could do to save his son. He climbed up on the railing, he balanced on the top, he grabbed hold of Jonas’s trembling hands, lifted him up, reassured him once more, those damn words, but when he looked down, when he tried to look down, he got dizzy, everything started spinning, there was a smell of burning from the flat or perhaps it was coming from his own face, smoke was pouring from the balcony door, which they had left open, but it was now or never, they had to jump, he took a small step to steady himself, only to discover there was nothing under his feet, the railing was gone, so was his hold, so was the child in his arms, Jonas, where the hell is Jonas, he couldn’t see anything, his eyes were stuck together, and he floated, he fell towards the ground, anticipated the impact, felt it even before it came; he was trapped by a wall of darkness, and he saw nothing, he felt nothing, he sensed nothing, everything was darkness, the darkness was total.

He had never seen darkness before. Never seen what the darkness could conceal.

But he saw it then.

Jonas was scared of the dark.

How he loved Jonas.

Jonas.

‘My flat burned down,’ he says, quietly. ‘Do you have children, Hassan?’

Hassan shakes his head and scoffs.

‘Not going to have any, either.’

Henning nods.

‘Let’s get it over with,’ he says, filled with serenity. He is ready. It doesn’t matter. Let eternity come. Hassan stops right in front of him. He takes out a pistol. He raises it, making sure that Henning has seen it, and presses it against his forehead.

And now the darkness returns, the darkness I’ve been waiting for, where dawn never breaks, where voices fall silent, dreams are still and the flames have gone. Come to me. Take me to the land of the dead, but please, let there be someone waiting for me.

He waits for a bang, or maybe just a puff or a pop, if Hassan uses a silencer. Henning wonders if he will hear anything before his head explodes in a mass of blood and brains. Death is terrible, but at least it takes away the pain.

The pressure against his forehead disappears. Henning opens his eyes and looks into Hassan’s. Hassan has lowered his arm.

‘Okay,’ he says, taking a step closer and coming right up to him.

‘But if they catch Yasser,’ he hisses, ‘and there’s a trial and you’re the prosecution’s only witness, we’ll come back for you. Understand? We may not even offer you a lift first.’

He takes a step backwards, makes a cutting movement across his throat with the pistol. Henning swallows, hard. They stand there, looking at each other. For a long time.

‘Understand?’

Henning nods.

He understands.

‘Open the door,’ Hassan orders one of the men, while still looking at Henning.

‘But — ’

‘Just do it.’

The man shuffles along the concrete. He presses a button. The door protests as it rolls open, but it only sounds loud because of the silence in the hall. Henning looks at Hassan as the space fills with light again. Still tough. And Henning doesn’t doubt for a second that Hassan means what he says.

The door has rolled back completely and stops with a bang.

‘My computer,’ Henning says. ‘Can I have it back?’

Hassan jerks his head towards one of the men, who obeys, but with disapproval in his eyes. A few seconds later he comes back and shoves Henning’s computer into his arms.

When Henning is back outside and walking on dry tarmac again, a smart Alfa Romeo sweeps past him. He turns and looks at the car wash. The door slowly closes again. What a strange sight. Bad Boys Burning, standing together, watching him. They look tough. Hardcore. They would make a good CD sleeve, he thinks, for a band about to release its final album. And it feels very quiet and empty, when the door has rolled all the way down and he can no longer see them.

Chapter 68