Captain Vorpatril's alliance

“No!” said Ivan Xav, incensed. “Besides, it would go down on the court’s public record. Think what it would do to my reputation! Dear God, I’d never get laid on this planet again.”

Rish tilted her head in concession. “All right, so what about this adultery thing? Which I gather isn’t about being a grownup, something we could probably use around here, but about sleeping with someone when you’re married to someone else. Sounds easy enough. Pleasurable, even.”

“Who with, for pity’s sake?” said Tej. “The only other male I even know very well on this benighted world is Byerly.”

Ivan Xav set down his drink with a thunk that sloshed it over the edge of the glass. “You are not sleeping with Byerly.”

“Who else have I even met here? Well, there’s The Coz and The Gregor, I suppose, but be reasonable. Anyway, they’re both taken.” Tej added after a moment, “And Simon Illyan was very nice, too, but no. Just no. Just…no.”

“No,” said Ivan Xav. “So many kinds of no, I can’t even count the ways.”

“That’s what I just said.” Tej eyed him in speculation. “I don’t suppose you could sleep with Byerly…?”

“Only if I can watch,” murmured Rish.

“ No! ” said Ivan Xav. “ Nobody is sleeping with Byerly, all right?”

Frostily, Rish cleared her throat.

Ivan Xav waved his arms. “You know what I mean. Neither Tej nor I are sleeping with Byerly. Separately or together.”

“A foursome, now there’s a thought,” purred Rish. “You know, I bet we could persuade By to‑”

“Stop teasing poor Ivan Xav, Rish,” said Tej. He was getting an alarming flush. “If you can’t say something to the point, just give over.”

Rish looked at Ivan Xav. “Don’t you have any old girlfriends you could call on for a favor?”

“Sure, but they’re mostly married now. Even Dono, and Olivia would‑never mind. Jealous husbands…spouses…I figured I was done dealing with that kind of excitement in my life. It’s just no fun anymore, y’know? Hasn’t been for a while.”

Both women stared at him in bemused silence; after a moment, he stirred uncomfortably and took another swallow of his wine.

Rish sat back. “What else was there? Oh yes, abuse.”

“I am not beating Tej.” Ivan Xav glowered at Rish. “You, I’m less and less sure about.”

Rish snickered. “You couldn’t lay a hand on me if you tried, natural‑boy.”

Ivan Xav sighed, avoiding conceding the point. “Besides, it’d get me in so much trouble with so many people‑after Mamere, Uncle Aral, and Aunt Cordelia‑and Simon‑there’d be Miles and Ekaterin and all the Koudelka girls lining up to deal with the remains‑ and their mother‑ and Gregor, and Desplains‑God, there wouldn’t be enough left of me to carry to court in a bucket. Hell, a teacup.” Ivan Xav sat back in what, had he been of another gender, Tej would not have hesitated to describe as a flounce. A little too large and surly for the term, here.

Rish turned her head toward Tej. “That leaves it up to you.”

“But I don’t want to hit Ivan Xav! I want to kiss Ivan Xav.”

“Try it,” urged Rish. “Just for the experiment.” Her gold eyes glinted.

Reluctantly, at Rish’s gesture, Ivan Xav put down his drink and stood up. Tej bunched her hand, drew it back, and poked him in the solar plexus. Her fist made a little fump sound, bouncing off his heavy uniform jacket.

Ivan Xav just stared glumly at her. “What was that supposed to be…?”

“It’s really hard,” Tej protested. “When you don’t want to. Besides, it would hurt my hand.”

“Bloody Falco,” muttered Ivan Xav, sitting back down and retrieving his drink, which he drained.

Rish ran her hands through her hair in a ragged swipe. “Look. Think. You’re both making this too hard by trying to do the divorce thing first. It’s not necessary. Desertion, wasn’t that one of the grounds? Tej and I go off to Escobar, change our identities, disappear, you’re got your desertion right there. Tootle back to court on your own, get it done. You don’t have to drag us into it at all.”

“There are time limits about that sort of thing,” said Ivan Xav. “Three or four years, or was it seven? Or was that for declaring someone dead…?” He frowned in doubt.

“What does that mean?” asked Tej. “In Barrayaran.”

“It means that even though you were gone, I’d still be married to you. For several more years. I couldn’t, say, remarry in that time. Or even become betrothed, I suppose.”

“Oh,” said Tej. “That’s right, this place only lets people have one spouse at a time, doesn’t it? That wouldn’t be a good problem to dump on you, would it. You might meet someone you liked…” A strangely unheartening picture. Didn’t she want him to be happy?

Ivan Xav, on the other hand, sat up, brightening a trifle. “That actually could be more of a feature than a bug, come to think. My mother couldn’t very well lean on me to seriously court other women if I was already married, huh? Yeah, that docking slot would be all filled up.” His brow wrinkled. “Not sure what it would do to my hit rate, though…”