Come to Me Quietly

“She drove me there, telling me stories the entire way.” I flinched, remembering how soft, how sweet, her voice had always been. “She kept peering out the windshield up at the sky. She had this look on her face, Aly… almost like she was a little bit sad. She told me that day felt almost exactly the same as the day I’d been born. That the sky was blue and the air was cool.”

I remembered it so clearly.

“I was so anxious for you to come,” she said, her somber eyes brimming with affection. “I kept thinking you were going to be born early because I was huge.” She laughed, slanting a knowing smile over at me. “But your grandma told me not to worry, I’d know when it was time. Your dad and I were sitting outside when I felt you, and I knew I was going to meet you that day. It feels just like yesterday.”

A ragged breath wheezed into my lungs. Aly’s fingers trembled along my jaw, her touch overwhelming amid the sickness clawing at my spirit, surging up, pressing down.

“She took me to my driver’s test. Afterward I walked out of that building with my license thinking I was the coolest fucking thing in the world.”

Revulsion boiled under the surface of my skin. Searing. Burning. Blackening.

“She tossed the keys at me, and she said, ‘I think these belong to you.’” I almost sneered. I’d never forget the pride that had filled her voice.

Aly exhaled, shaky and hard, her attention jumping all over my face like she had no idea where to look, and still I continued. “When we got in the car, she said she wanted to take me out to eat… to celebrate… just the two of us. But all I cared about was myself, Aly. All I cared about was the party your brother had planned for me and the fucking girl I was supposed to meet up with there. I lied to her… ” The word cracked, and my finger twisted tighter in her hair.

If I’d just slowed down… if I had taken one goddamned hour and given it to her, then I wouldn’t have taken it all.

“I told her I had a big project that was due on Monday and I had to go to this girl’s house to work on it when I knew I was going to be spending the night partying with my friends.”

I could so clearly feel it, the way my chest had felt so full. Like I was in control. Like nothing could touch me. Indestructible.

I’d never thought of myself as a bad kid. I mean, I was no angel, but I’d always hated when I disappointed my mom and dad.

But I’d been wrong. I’d been selfish. The worst kind of fool.

“I was in such a hurry, and she kept telling me to slow down. We were almost home. I knew I should stop… that the truck was too close… but I just gunned the engine and turned left across the intersection.”

A tremor rolled down the length of Aly’s body, and silent tears dripped unchecked down her face. Gripping her face between my hands, I forced her to look at me.

“She was screaming, Aly, fucking screaming at me to stop and I went anyway because all I wanted to do was get home so I could go back out.” My throat felt like gravel, and beneath the girl, I shook, the horror of that moment so clear, so vivid. Just like every night, it was like I could reach out and stop it. But I could never change what I’d done.

“That truck hit us so hard,” I said, my voice low and rough. “Everything was so loud… God, Aly, it was so loud.”

I could still hear it – piercing – the sound of metal shearing as my entire world was ripped apart.

“It was like I was weightless or something, but everything was heavy at the same time. Then we were jolted into this suffocating standstill. It was so quiet… too quiet.” I sucked in a breath through my gritted teeth, reliving the pain of that moment. “I hurt everywhere, and I couldn’t even make sense of why. Then I heard her moan.” I forced the words out over the panic that bubbled up in my throat. “But it was my name, Aly… she was fucking saying my name, fucking crying for me.”

My heart thundered, and my hands constricted on Aly’s face. Her tears seeped into the webs of my fingers. She placed her hand over one of mine, holding me close. “It’s okay,” she murmured. Drawing my hand back, she kissed across my knuckles. “It’s okay.”