Dagger Magic

"Ever since it happened," McLeod read aloud, "I've been hating myself. Probably the only reason I'm still here is that I haven't got the courage to take my own life. I've often thought about turning myself in, but I was afraid of having to face up to her - the woman I hit. Then a couple of days ago, something… I don't know, something changed. I don't know what; all I know is that I suddenly realized I wasn 't scared anymore. All I want now is to be out from under this weight of guilt.'"

"I see," Adam said, when McLeod finished reading. "Well. Off the record, I would have to say that it appears our last session with Claire may have produced something more than a sketch."

"The thought had occurred to me," McLeod agreed. "Are you going to tell her that?''

"I am, indeed. She deserves to know that the wheels of justice do, indeed, grind exceedingly fine - and she's been a worthy instrument, if what she did helped Melville find the courage to face the consequences of his actions. There may be hope for both of them now."

Claire's reaction to the news did credit to her newfound freedom of spirit. After weeping briefly in Adam's arms out of sheer relief, she pulled herself together and, wiping away her tears, bravely raised her face to his.

"Dr. Sinclair, I feel as if you've lifted an enormous weight from my shoulders," she said, squaring those shoulders and dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

He smiled and pulled a chair closer, to sit knee to knee before her wheelchair.

"I think it's you who've done the lifting," he said gently. "How do you feel about what's happened?"

"Only relieved - and thankful," she replied. "I thought I'd feel elated, but it isn't that. I feel - sorry for him - even after all the pain he's caused me."

She glanced down at her hands, clasped in her lap and toying with her tissue.

"It was so easy to hate this man when I hadn't seen his face," she went on more slowly. "But once I saw him clearly, it was obvious that he wasn't the monster I'd envisioned - just someone who'd let his own weaknesses betray him once too often. Maybe that's always the thing about hatred - that it's blind. And being blind, it feeds on illusions. Give me the truth any day, and let me see things for what they are."

"That's an important insight," Adam said. "Tell me this, then: On Wednesday, I asked you to consider what you might want to say to this man, if the law should ever find him out. Now that he's turned himself in of his own accord, I'd like to ask you that question again."

A sad, wistful smile touched Claire's lips. "To be truthful, I don't really know. Somehow it doesn't seem as important anymore. What I maybe ought to say is something along the lines of, 'I realize you didn't mean to hurt my husband and me. I can't ever forget the husband and the child that I lost, but if I didn't at least try to forgive you, I would lose myself as well.' "

Her words echoed those spoken to him by Annet Maxwell in the churchyard of Hawick: Surely we were better advised, for the good of our own souls, tae forgive rather than tae demand retribution. It was conclusive proof, if he needed it, that Claire Crawford had successfully reintegrated her past lives with her present. Smiling, he reached over and patted her hand.

"I hope you realize how far you've come," he said quietly. "We'll talk more about this when I get back. Meanwhile, I've arranged for a professional colleague of mine to look in on you while I'm gone - a clergyman, actually." He took out a business card and jotted Christopher's name and telephone number on the back. "He's an Episcopal priest; has a parish out in Kinross, but he does a bit of counselling as well. I think you'll like him. And when I get back, we'll talk about when you think you might be ready to go home."

Claire looked slightly startled. "You mean, I can decide?"

"We'll give it a few days, but yes, I think so. My major caution would be to deal gently with yourself in these next few days, after the euphoria wears off, and don't try to do too much too soon."

A shy but pleased smile lit Claire's face, giving Adam a glimpse of the pretty woman she had been before her accident.

"Can I call Ishbel and tell her the news?" she asked.

"Of course you can. I'm sure she'll be as pleased as you are."