Fallout

“Let me tell you how you’re going to spend the rest of your life, Richard,” Mrs. Shaw goes on. “You’ll be searching for whatever food hasn’t been contaminated or gone bad. You’ll be looking for clean water. You’ll probably wind up migrating south, because without heat, the winters up here won’t be survivable. And you want to know what’s going to happen when you head south? You’re going to run into all the other survivors who’ve had the same idea. Only then there’ll be even less food and water to go around, and —”

“Dad!” Sparky cries out, and runs into his arms. “Is that true?”

“Things will be different from before,” Dad says, hugging him and glaring hard at Mrs. Shaw. “But right now we don’t know how.”

Playing Parcheesi gets boring, so we go back to checkers. Then that gets boring, and we try Go Fish. But eventually we get to the point where we don’t want to play any games at all. The boredom is bad because there’s nothing to do except wonder and worry about what’s going to happen next. The hunger pangs are worse, but sometimes they take my mind off the future. The bare patch behind my ear must be the size of a tennis ball, but I can’t stop tugging.

Mom just sits with that blank look like a marionette with the strings cut. Sometimes I wonder if she can think but can’t move her arms and legs. But she can move her eyes. Only she hardly ever does.

“I can’t stand it,” Mr. McGovern says. “I need to eat something.”

“We’ll never make it if we don’t ration,” Dad says.

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be feeding all these mouths,” says Mr. McGovern.

The words hang in the clammy air.

“What do you mean?” Dad asks.

“I think you know.”

Again there’s silence, as if something serious has happened. Mrs. Shaw’s eyes dart from Dad to Mr. McGovern, and it feels like it does in school when a kid does something really bad. Finally, Dad says, “I think you better watch yourself, Herb.”

But Mr. McGovern isn’t finished. “You didn’t come this far just to fail now, did you, Richard? If hunger forces us out of here too soon, it’ll all be for naught.”

My heart begins to thump. It sounds like Mr. McGovern is suggesting that some people leave. But who?

“We could take a simple vote,” he continues. “The majority rules.”

“Over my dead body,” Dad says.

“You were more than willing to let people die so that you and your family could live. You’ll still have your boys.”

He’s talking about Mom!

Dad is shaking his head in disbelief. “You can’t be serious, Herb.”

“I can’t?” Mr. McGovern laughs bitterly. “I’m talking about survival, Richard. Isn’t that what this is all about? Isn’t that why you built this shelter? And in this situation, you might as well add ‘of the fittest,’ because like Stephanie said, that’s what it’s going to be once we get out of here.”

“That’s enough!” Dad yells, and starts pacing like a tiger in a cage. My heart beats faster, and my forehead grows hot. Are they going to fight?

Mr. McGovern turns to the Shaws. “Do you think it’s enough? It’s not as if we’re guests here anymore. We’re all in this together, and we all have an equal say. I think Richard’s right about the food. We probably don’t have enough to make it until the radiation gets down to a safe level. But with two less mouths to feed, maybe we could.”

Two less mouths? Who else is he talking about? He said Dad would still have Sparky and me, and he sure wouldn’t be talking about his daughter or the Shaws… . That leaves Janet.

Just a few months ago, the worst, most scary thing in life was when Dad got angry and came after me with the paddle. After that, the scariest thing was the Russians attacking. Now it’s being in this bomb shelter with grown-ups arguing about who should live and die. Forget what Mrs. Shaw said about how hard life will be when we get out of here. What will happen if Mr. McGovern and the Shaws gang up on Dad? They could force Mom and Janet out, and then what would stop them from forcing Dad and Sparky and me out as well? I know Dad’s stronger than either Mr. Shaw or Mr. McGovern, and I know what’s in the green box on the shelf, but what if they wait until he’s asleep? And they could probably make Ronnie fight me, and I’d be sure to lose.

Dad stops his tiger prowl beside Mom’s bunk. “I won’t hear another word of this. I said over my dead body, and I meant it.” He faces Mr. McGovern. “Have you lost your mind, talking like this in front of these children? In front of this woman?” He gestures to Janet. “In front of your own daughter?” He gestures to Paula.

“To quote Charles Darwin, ‘It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It’s the one that is the most adaptable to change,’” Mr. McGovern shoots back. “It looks to me like we can either adapt to the reality of this situation or starve to death.”

“We’re not going to die,” Dad counters. “As long as we have water, we should be able to survive until the radiation levels go down.”

“You hope,” Mr. McGovern grouses.