Five Spice Street

‘‘It’s as if she isn’t listening. She opens her eyes wide and looks astonished and then answers: ‘You have to know that the objective of my pursuit is simply you. I’ve lived this long, and all along I’ve been submissive. Only because of the suggestion made by fortuneteller Meng from the pharmacy did I take a tumble: My whole life has been empty. For years, I’ve been blind to meaningful projects that would be worthwhile for me. It was the worst sort of stupor! Absolutely foolish!’ She also said that I was the biggest riddle in the world: if she could understand me, she’d find her self-worth. Once she established this objective, she was completely refreshed-once more in the bloom of youth. For the first time, her ability was also fully displayed. Even I couldn’t help acknowledging her strong challenge. All I could do was retreat to avoid conflict. Just think about it: the situation changed so much! Before, her life was so humiliating, dry as dust, absolutely without interest. She had been living like a maggot. No way could she go back to that. She’d rather die! It’s been through her own hard struggles that she’s attained her present promising life, which no one should destroy. No one can ever seduce her into turning back. No way! She’s figured out every damn trick I played. She’s no longer her old self. She is now much wiser, much smarter. No matter where I hid, even if I turned into an ‘invisible man,’ she’d still have ways to get hold of me. This absorbing work has made her feel so enriched, so happy. Her energy is inexhaustible. She is very sure that she has obtained the greatest happiness. Women who pursue sex exclusively all their lives gain very little and grow old fast. Some are even abused and abandoned by their husbands. As she sees it, they have lost much more. They are selfdefeated. Women aren’t inferior to men in anything: why can’t they make their own decisions about what they will do, and contend with men? Why do they have to waste their youth and energy on men? Of course, a woman striving for independence will run into serious obstacles: there will be pressure from society and from men. There’s nothing frightening about it. You just have to be determined and be strong-willed. No difficulty is insurmountable. She’s made up her mind; I’d better give up. Can she possibly not know what I intended? She wouldn’t give a shit what I said. Her work has picked up a lot now. She can’t relent, because if she did, all her previous efforts would be wasted and people would laugh at her. No temptation could move her. I’d better give up and not talk with her anymore. With the kind of progress she’s been making, how could she wash her hands of it? Someday, her work will achieve surprising results. Her success will be the end of me.

‘‘So, do I now understand what my relationship with her is? I do what I have to do, and she also has to see her undertaking through to the end. Don’t think I still have any control over her, and don’t think, either, that she has the slightest interest in sex. The moment a woman wakes up, she can change into a tigress. I must have been living in a dream if I wasn’t aware of even this. She-this tigress- doesn’t enjoy saber rattling, nor does she like to snarl. She only wants to devour people. I just have to watch out for this, especially while sleeping, when any weird thing might happen. It would be better to worry about my own safety than to trick her with my bravado. She meant what she said. I couldn’t blame anyone else: I had asked for all the bitter fruit; now I’d better quietly gulp it down. I could make allowances for my wife. All her weird transformations arose from a kind of subtle mindset for retaliation. I could do nothing about her mindset, because a person has limited energy.