Frog

What does that mean? He too drained his glass. You’re the classmate with the brightest future. Xiao Xiachun and Li Shou might be in college — that asshole Xiao Shangchun parades up and down the streets bragging about how his son has been given a job with the State Council — but neither one is your equal. Xiao Xiachun has broad cheeks and a narrow forehead and his ears are pointed, the spitting image of a yamen runner. Li Shou is good-looking, but good luck isn’t in the cards for him. But you, you’ve got long legs and powerful arms, and eyes like a phoenix or a dragon. If not for the mole beneath the right eye, you’d have the look of an emperor. Have that removed by laser, and though you might not make it to general or minister, you’ll go at least as high as a division commander.

That’s enough, I said. You can BS people in the marketplace if you want, but stop talking like that to me.

Those are prophetic signs, I’m telling you, knowledge that’s been passed down by our ancestors, Yuan Sai said.

Like I said, that’s enough bullshit. I’m here to get even for what you did to me.

What did I do? I’ve never done anything to you.

Who told you to remove Wang Renmei’s IUD without my knowledge? I forced myself to keep my voice down. Some busybody sent a telegram to my unit, which ordered me back home to take her in for an abortion. If I don’t, I’ll lose my commission and my Party membership. Now, Renmei has run away, so what do you recommend?

Who fed you that line? Yuan Sai rolled his eyes and spread his hands. When was I supposed to have removed Wang Renmei’s IUD? I’m a fortune-teller who calculates fortunes by numbers, yin and yang, good and evil, and feng shui. That’s what I do. Why would an ageing man like me get involved in removing IUDs? What you’re saying might not seem inauspicious to you, but it is.

No more games, I said. Everyone knows that Little Immortal is a man of many talents. Feng shui and fortune-telling may be ‘what you do’, but you have time left over to geld animals and remove IUDs. I’m not going to take you to court for what you did, but I’m not going to let you off the hook either. Before you removed Wang Renmei’s IUD, you should have checked with me.

I’m innocent, this is slander! Yuan Sai insisted. Bring Wang Renmei here to face me, and we’ll see what she says.

She ran off, and I don’t know where she’s gone. Besides, would she admit it? Would she rat you out?

Xiaopao, you son of a bitch, you’re not just anybody, you’re an army officer, and you have to stand by what you say. How dare you accuse me of removing your wife’s IUD. Got any proof? You’ve besmirched my reputation, and I’ll sue you if you make me mad enough.

All right, what it’s come down to is… I’m not blaming you. What I’d like from you is advice. The way things are now, what do you think I ought to do?

Yuan Sai shut his eyes, rubbed his fingers together, and began to mutter. Then his eyes snapped open. Worthy brother, he said, great joy!

How’s that?

Your wife’s pregnancy is the reincarnation of an important individual in the last dynasty. Since great secrets must not be divulged, I cannot tell you the individual’s name, but I can give you four lines you mustn’t forget: When the child is born, one, he’ll have a fine physique; two, he’ll accomplish great deeds; three, he’ll rise to unprecedented heights; and four, he’ll be invested with all the trappings of authority!

Weave your fairytales, I said, though what I heard filled me with a hard-to-describe happiness. Yes, indeed, if she could bear a son like that…

Yuan Sai had no trouble reading my mind. With what appeared to be a smile, he said, Heaven’s will cannot be transgressed.

I shook my head. But if Renmei has the baby, my days are over.

There’s an old saying: Heaven always leaves a door open.

So tell me.

You send a telegram to your unit saying she’s not pregnant, that it was a rumour begun by someone who has it in for you.

Is that what you consider a foolproof plan? I said with a sneer. Do you think you can carry paper in fire? Once the child is born, what about registering for residence? How about school?

Why think so far ahead, good brother? Just having the child is a victory. Policy enforcement is strict around here. Other counties are rife with ‘bootleg kids’. There’s no more collective and everyone has plenty to eat. Go ahead and raise the kid. We’re all citizens of the People’s Republic of China, and you can’t tell me that the country will declare him a non-citizen.

But if word gets out, won’t that be the end of my career?

Then there’s nothing I can do for you. Only one end of the sugar cane is sweet.

Damn that bitch, she needs a serious beating. I finished what was in my glass and got down off the kang. She’s the cause of all my rotten luck.

Don’t say that, good brother. I’ve looked at both your fortunes, and I tell you, Wang Renmei was born to help her husband achieve great things. Your successes will come from her.

Help her husband? Ruin her husband is more like it. I smiled coldly.