Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

since you don’t feel comfortable using correct words”

or

“Oh, you must need extra attention . . .

don’t you know there are better ways to get it?”

or

“Oh, that was mean, and I don’t have time for mean people.”

Get it?

The Look By the way, preteen and teen girls are the best at giving “the look” we’re talking about here. You know the look—rolling eyeballs, raised eyebrow (only one if you’re really good), smug look and a quick, grunty sigh! It’s okay to use it when necessary! It works (we bet you’ve already discovered that by now). Just don’t use it too often because it will lose its effect.

The point is that when others use “bad” language, it doesn’t make them stronger or respected or better than anyone else. It just makes them seem a little immature to those who have Girl Power. You can be bigger than that.

Hurtful Words

Some people will use “bad” language on purpose to make other people feel embarrassed or bad about themselves. That type of language insults others. Just because someone says it about you doesn’t make it true!

Remember the “sticks and stones” thing? If someone uses “bad” language against you, don’t let them feel they have won anything. Ignore them and be strong. Your feelings and your spirit might be hurt, but it’s their character that is damaged. Remember that the people who use hurtful language are wimps, and you might even feel sorry for them (if you weren’t so mad!).

It’s Really Just a Big Cover-Up

Most of the time, people who are mean like that don’t feel very good about who they are, and one way they make themselves feel better is to bring other people down with them. So they say bad things to make others feel as bad as they feel about themselves. It’s kind of sad, because someone who feels good about herself would never need or want to put other people down. A big part of Girl Power is feeling good about yourself, so you never need to act like that.

You also need to know about something called sexual harassment. That’s when someone uses sexual language or talks about sex in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or even threatened. It’s another way that people use words or body language to try to feel powerful. The important thing to know about sexual harassment is that it is ILLEGAL. There are laws that protect people from being sexually harassed, especially in schools and in jobs. So if sexual words or actions are being used in this type of way, especially if it is happening over and over, it is very important to let a trusted adult know about it. Sexual harassment can be stopped!

What Does That Mean?

Another problem comes up when you don’t know a word that you hear and you suspect it’s one of those not-so-nice words. You get confused! It’s hard to know whether someone just dissed you, insulted you or even sexually harassed you. If you come across a word like that, don’t be afraid to ask what it means. If it isn’t cool to ask the person who said it (because they might try to embarrass you), ask a parent or other trusted adult.

If you ask a parent, you should get an honest answer and some advice on how proper or improper the word is. Don’t try to use the new word in a sentence to your parents to see how they react! Just tell your mom or dad that it came up in the locker room or hallway, and you were wondering what it means. Your parents shouldn’t get mad at you for an innocent question like that. Besides, they should be happy that you are bringing your questions to them. If they freak out, give them a little time to cool down. Parents get all flustered sometimes when they find out that you know stuff that they don’t think you need to know. Again, explain that you are just curious and didn’t want to take your question to anyone else.

Almost all parents really want to talk to their kids about this kind of stuff, but most of them don’t know how to start the conversations. This way, you’ve started it a little and opened the door for more talks in the future. Sometimes, the kids have to lead the way!Words I might ask someone about if I get really brave:

Body Talk

What’s with all the “cutesy” or slang words we use for body parts? You know them: my pee pee, my boobies, my titties, my coochie, my poopie, my butthole, my ass or “down there.” There are a gazillion silly sex-related words, but why do we feel like we need to use them?

Comfort. ’Cause it can be downright awkward using the proper words, right? Can you say vagina without giggling? How about penis? Have you ever heard of a urethra? But we don’t get all giggly when we say head, shoulders, knees and toes, so why do we get tickled when we talk about the parts “down there”? All those “parts” are just more parts of our body.