Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

The middle school and high school social scene can be very strange—sometimes awesome, sometimes confusing and ugly. Girls say and do things to impress boys and other girls. Ditto for boys. Sometimes kids are nice to you; sometimes they’re not. A trusted friend can suddenly be mean to you. Gossip abounds. There are cliques (pronounced “click”), clubs and groups that may embrace you or may make you feel left out. People you never knew before may suddenly seem more interesting than your old friends.

It may seem confusing now, but don’t fear! There is a reason all of this is happening! Your brain is actually preprogrammed to help you accomplish two very important tasks before you become an adult:1. Your brain is helping you to become more independent from your family.

2. Your brain is also helping you develop your values, your personality, your likes and your dislikes; you are figuring out who you are as an individual.

Now that’s exciting stuff! Are you rolling your eyes right now and thinking that what we think is exciting is really too much grown-up stuff? Well . . . as a teen, you are sort of a “grown-up in the making.” So bring those rolling eyeballs back to the page and read on!

Friends Over Family

Okay, so one of your jobs is to become more independent from your family. Believe it or not, your brain is programmed to make you want to hang out with your friends more and your parents less. It’s supposed to happen that way. You can tell your parents we said so.

Does that mean you abandon your family altogether? Nope. Does it mean you never hug, cuddle or play with your parents? Absolutely not! Does it mean that given a choice between going to the mall with your buds and playing a rousing game of Monopoly with your family, you pick your buds? Probably.

Things are going to change. It can be strange for you and your family. Your parents are used to making all your decisions for you. They are used to having a little girl who looks to them for guidance and assurance. That doesn’t totally stop, but now you are talking more to friends about important stuff, you are having your own ideas and you want more freedom to make your own decisions about where you go, what you wear and who your friends are.

Why Don’t You Trust Me?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever said “. . . but why don’t you trust me?” One, two, three, four . . . eight million, three hundred twenty-seven thousand, two hundred ninety-six hands . . . yep, your brains are working just fine on that independence thing!

Independence is a very grown-up word. It doesn’t mean “I get to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it.” Your brain tells you to become more independent so you can mature into an adult—not turn into a wild and reckless party animal!

The parents of all you party-animals-in-the-making also have a job to do as you gain independence. Their job is to make sure you can handle it. As much as it may bug you, your parents are doing their job when they want to meet your friends, give you curfews, supervise the clothes you wear and ask where you are going. That’s what their brains are wired to do. We’ll talk more about your parents in the next chapter. Let’s get back to you and your independence.

Just in case you were getting a little nervous about the whole independence thing, relax. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Of course, you have your parents to help you along the way, but you also have friends. A group of friends is super important as you become more independent and figure out who you are. It can be kind of hard, though, because there are all kinds of cliques and groups, and you may not be sure where you fit in. Sometimes you feel more comfortable with your family; sometimes you click with one group of friends, sometimes with another group.

Time to figure out where you fit in!

Who Am I?

Huh? You don’t already know who you are? Well, you have a name, an address and a birth date. That’s a start. Take a look in the mirror. You have a unique look and a personal style.

Those are some of the givens. But who you are depends more on the decisions you make, ways you act, stuff you experience and challenges you take on.

“Who am I?” is a deep question. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be totally answered right now. Whether you know it or not, your brain is causing you to do things, have feelings and make choices that are getting you closer to the answer. It’s a question you will be working on your entire life. But for now, you can’t help but deal with it a little bit . . . and sometimes a lot.