Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Believe it or not, you may think you have many “true loves” in the next ten years. You might think one’s a true love, but then you get to know him better and find out things you don’t like. Or maybe you just develop a crush on another guy, and suddenly your former “true love” doesn’t give you the butterflies anymore.

That’s all okay. Just remember that when you decide what sexual things you will do with a true love, if it’s too much, too soon, you’ll just end up embarrassed and feeling disappointed. We don’t know any girl or woman who has ever regretted waiting to have sex. But we see tons who are disappointed and mad at themselves for having sex too soon with someone they thought was a true love but didn’t turn out to be the one. Chances are you will not end up marrying the boyfriend you have at age fourteen, so wait it out. Get to know what you like and don’t like in a relationship, but save the sex for much later.

It’s Too Late for Me

What if you’re reading this thinking, “Oh, great. This doesn’t even apply to me. I’ve already let a guy touch my breasts/touched a guy’s penis/had sexual intercourse. I didn’t have a good plan before, and now I’ve blown it.”

Hey! It’s okay! And we promise you it’s not too late.

We all make mistakes. You are not alone. Most young teens are not satisfied with their first sexual experience. You didn’t have a plan then, but you can make one now! Just because you’ve gone farther than you wanted to doesn’t mean that you have to go that far with every guy you date from now on.

Reset your boundaries. Make a promise to yourself to stick to your plan. Learn from your mistakes and make changes to protect your body and your emotions. This is where that strong character you have developed by choosing values and sticking with them comes in. Once you have crossed a boundary it will be hard to reset. We know that. But we also know that sticking to your promises to yourself is important even when it’s hard. And we know you can do it!

Now This Should Be Interesting . . .

If you really want to have some fun, give the “When Is It Okay?” list to your parents and have them fill it out. There’s an interesting conversation!

Talk with your mom or another trusted adult female about this stuff. See if you can get your dad to talk with you about it. Dads have important opinions, too! Are your answers different from your parents’? Ask your parents not only WHEN but WHY. Make them explain their reasons for their answers. Do they make sense? Believe it or not, parents know more than you think about this stuff.

Parents probably feel awkward talking with you about it, but they’ll have some great advice if you’ll hear them out. You don’t need to know if or when your parents did all this stuff (ewwwww!), but their answers will be based on what they have learned from their own experiences and life in general.

But, What If . . . ?

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, so we have to talk about the what ifs.

Hopefully, we’ve made the point that for humans, sex is not supposed to be just for reproducing. It’s also not supposed to be something you try just because you’re curious. You know by now that sex is powerful in many ways. It can be a wonderful, intimate experience that two people share. It can also be a very disappointing, embarrassing, and even scary experience if it happens too soon or in the wrong relationship.

The disappointing and scary part can come in many ways. We’re doctors; we hear these stories almost every day! Consider the following real-life examples:• A 14-year-old girl has sex with her guy “friend” because she is just curious to see what it is like. She ends up pregnant.

• A 26-year-old woman can’t enjoy sex with her husband because she had sex as a young teenager in a bad relationship and has bad memories that get in the way of her enjoyment.

• A 15-year-old girl goes on a date with her crush, a very popular soccer player at her school who is 17. He starts kissing her, then talks her into giving him oral sex even though she didn’t really want to. He never calls again but tells all his friends at school what they did.

• A 16-year-old sneaks out of her house to go to a party her parents didn’t want her to go to. She drinks a lot of beer and has sex for the first time ever with a guy she doesn’t really know very well.