Girls of Riyadh

Sadeem realized that she bore a major part of the responsibility—and guilt—because she had refused to receive Firas’s hidden messages, as Lamees had called them. She hadn’t allowed herself to understand the true reason that he avoided real attachment to her all those years. She refused to let her heart perceive how little Firas valued her and how ready he was to forsake her. She had committed the cardinal mistake of the lover, tying her mind and heart in blindfolds so that they could not see unwanted messages from the beloved.

Sadeem was finally cured of her love addiction. But it was a harsh experience that caused her to lose her respect for all men, beginning with Firas and, before him, Waleed, and every man alive after that.

46.

To: seerehwenfadha7et@yahoogroups.com

From: “seerehwenfadha7et”

Date: January 21, 2005

Subject: And Now…Welcome Tariq the Lover

Those who want us, our souls resent them

And those whom we want, fate refuses to give to us.—Norah Al-Hawshan*

Many happy returns on the occasion of the blessed Festival after Pilgrimage, Eid Al-Adha. Since I might not be with you during the next festival, in 12 months from now, let me say it now for always: I extend my best wishes for all of your days to come. May God make all your days, and mine as well, full of goodness, health and love.

When Sadeem moved into her aunt Badriyyah’s home, the person who was happiest about the new arrangement was Tariq, her aunt’s son. From the very first day, he decided that he would be in charge of assuring her comfort in her new home, and he took to the task with an almost alarming dedication. He committed himself to fulfilling every one of Sadeem’s needs. And since Sadeem did not actually demand anything, Tariq tried to offer his services as best he could in other ways, like surprising her with her favorite order from Burger King so the two of them could have their dinner together. Sadeem sensed Tariq’s interest in her, but she couldn’t respond to him in the way he hoped. In fact, she felt uneasy whenever he was in the room, since he never lifted his eyes from her. It began to get increasingly difficult for her to live in the same household with him.

Tariq was one year older than Sadeem. He had gone to elementary and middle school in Riyadh, as his father was working as a civil servant in one of the Saudi ministries at the time. But after retirement his father had moved the family to Khobar so that he could be near his siblings, and Tariq had gone to high school there. Tariq had returned to Riyadh to attend the College of Dentistry at King Saud University, because there were no dental schools in the eastern province at that time.

Sadeem first noticed Tariq’s interest in her when he was a dental student and used to visit them at home on weekends, since he did not generally travel all the way to his own family in the eastern province. She could tell that his admiration had grown stronger over time, but she always knew that she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Even though Tariq was perfectly pleasant, and even though he spoiled and indulged her every time he came to visit them, and singled her out for attention in his words and glances, there wasn’t anything about him that could make her heart soar the way it had with Firas. Her feelings for him hadn’t changed from the sisterly affection she had developed for him long ago when the two of them had shared toys and games in their grandfather’s Riyadh home.

Only Gamrah knew about the lovesick cousin whom her friend sometimes joked about, though fondly, in her presence. But Sadeem had not mentioned him for a long time, not since her engagement to Waleed. And during her long drawn-out relationship with Firas, Sadeem had actively tried to avoid seeing Tariq. Every time he visited them he would find only his uncle at home. After a few visits when Sadeem was never in the room—on the pretext that she was busy studying upstairs—Tariq had stopped visiting. On the few special occasions when Sadeem had to go to Khobar, Tariq avoided seeing her then as well, and Sadeem appreciated that.

In Sadeem’s eyes, Tariq’s problem was that he was way too simple and straightforward. She was amazed that he would let his feelings toward her show in such a straightforward and artless manner. To her, Tariq did not seem more than a big kid, with his baby face, so like their Syrian grandmother’s, his slightly fleshy body and his guileless smile. None of this was really a failing, but altogether these impressions added up so that she couldn’t conceive of him as a real man she could have a serious relationship with.