Have His Carcase

‘I believe you,’ said Wimsey, suddenly, ‘and I’m going to hazard a, suggestion. This Alexis fellow was a romantic sort of blighter. Do you think he can have, seen the photograph somewhere and fallen in love with it, as you might say? What I mean is, he might have indulged in an imaginary thingmabob — an ideal passion, so to speak. Kind of fancied he was beloved and all the rest of it, and put a fancy name on to support the illusion if you get what I mean what?’

‘It is possible,’ said Olga, ‘but it seems very foolish.’

‘Seems perfectly cock-eyed to me,’ pronounced Umpelty with scorn. ‘Besides, where did he get the picture from, that’s what we want to know.’

‘That wouldn’t really be difficult,’ said Olga. ‘He was a dancer at a big hotel. He might easily have met many theatrical managers, and one of them might have given the photograph to him. They would get it, you know, from the agents’

Inspector Umpelty asked for particulars of the agents and was supplied with the names of three men, all of whom had offices near Shaftesbury Avenue.,

‘But I don’t suppose they’ll remember much about it,’ said Olga. ‘They see so many people. Still, you could try. I should be terribly glad. to have the thing cleared up. But you do believe me, don’t you?’

‘We believe in, you, Miss Kohn,’ said Wimsey, solemnly, ’as devoutly as in the second law of thermodynamics.’

‘What are you getting at?’ said Mr Simons, suspiciously.

‘The second law of thermo-dynamics,’ explained Wimsey, helpfully, ‘which holds the universe in its path, and without which time would run backwards like a cinema film wound the wrong way.’

‘No, would it?’ exclaimed Miss Kohn, rather pleased. ‘Altars may reel,’ said Wimsey, ‘Mr Thomas may abandon his dress-suit and Mr Snowden renounce Free Trade, but the second law of thermo-dynamics will endure while memory holds her seat in this distracted globe, by which Hamlet meant his head but which I, with a wider intellectual range, apply to the planet which we have the rapture of inhabiting. Inspector Umpelty appears shocked, but I assure you that I know no more impressive way of affirming my entire belief in your absolute integrity.’ He grinned. ‘What I like about your evidence, Miss Kohn, is that. it adds the final touch of utter and impenetrable obscurity to the problem which the Inspector and I have undertaken to solve. It reduces it to the complete quintessence of incomprehensive nonsense. Therefore, by the second law of thermodynamics, which lays down that we are hourly and momently progressing to a state of more and more randomness, we receive positive assurance that we are moving happily and securely in the right direction. You may not believe me,’ added Wimsey, now merrily launched on a flight of fantasy, ‘but I have got to the point now at which the slightest glimmer of common-sense imported into this preposterous case would not merely disconcert me but cut me to the heart. I have seen unpleasant cases, difficult cases, complicated cases and even contradictory cases, but a case founded on stark unreason I have never met before. It is a new experience and, blase as I am, I confess that I am thrilled to the marrow.’

‘Well,’ said Inspector Umpelty, hoisting himself to his feet,’

‘I’m sure we’re very much obliged to you, miss, for your information, though at the moment it doesn’t seem, to get us much farther. If anything should occur to you in connection with this Alexis, or if you sir, should happen to call to mind where you saw Alexis before, we shall be very greatly obliged. And you mustn’t take account of what his lordship here has been saying,’ because he’s a gentleman that makes up poetry and talks a bit humorous at times.’

Having thus, as he supposed, restored confidence in the mind of Miss Olga Kohn, the Inspector; shepherded his companion away, but it was to Wimsey that the girl turned while Umpelty was hunting in the little hall for his hat.

‘That policeman doesn’t believe a word I’ve been saying,’ she whispered anxiously, ‘but you do, don’t you?’

‘I do,’ replied;Wimsey. ‘But you see, I can believe a thing without understanding it. It’s all a matter, of training.’

Chapter XXIII. The Evidence Of The Theatrical Agent

‘Art honest, or a man of many deeds

And many faces to them? Thou’rt a plotter,

a politician.’

— Death’s Jest-Book

Monday, 29 June