Have His Carcase

‘You men,’ said Harriet, ‘have let yourselves be carried away by all these figures and time-tables and you’ve lost sight of what you’re really dealing with. But it’s all machine-made.. It cracks at every joint. It’s like — like a bad plot, built up round an idea that won’t work. You’ve got it into your heads that you must get Weldon and the horse and Perkins into it somehow or other; and when you come up against an inconsistency, you say: “Oh, well — we’ll get over that somehow. We’ll make him do this. We’ll make him do that.” But you can’t make people; do things to suit you — not in real life. Why are you obliged to bring all these people into it at all?’

‘You won’t deny that there’s a good deal that needs explaining,’ said Umpelty.

‘Of course there’s a lot that needs explaining, but your explanations are more incredible than the problem. It’s not possible that anyone should plan a murder like that. You’ve made them too ingenious in one way and too silly in another. Whatever the explanation is, it must be simpler that that, — bigger — not so cramped. Can’t you see what I mean? You’re simply making up a case, that’s all.’

‘I see what you mean,’ said Wimsey.

‘I daresay it is a bit complicated,’ admitted Glaisher, ‘but if we don’t make, up a case against Weldon and Bright and Perkins, or two of them, or one of them — whom are we to make up a case against? Against Bolshies? Well, but this Perkins is a Bolshie, — or a Communist, anyhow, and if he’s in it, then Weldon must be, because of their mutual alibi.’ —

‘Yes, I know; but your whole case is like that. First you want Weldon to be guilty, because of getting his mother’s money, so you say that Perkins must be his accomplice because he’s giving an alibi for Weldon. Now you want Perkins to be guilty because he’s a Communist, and so you say Weldon must be the accomplice, because he’s giving an alibi for Perkins. But it’s simply impossible that both those theories should be true. And how did Weldon and Perkins get to know one another?’

We haven’t finished making inquiries yet.’

‘No but it does seem unlikely, doesn’t it? A Council School teacher from the Tottenham Court Road and a Huntingdonshire farmer. What form? What likelihood? And as for Bright, you have nothing — nothing to connect him with either, of them. And if his story’s true, then there’s, not an atom of proof that Alexis didn’t kill himself. And in any case, if you want to prove murder, you’ve got to connect Bright’ with whoever did it, and you certainly haven’t found the least trace of communication between him and either Weldon or Perkins.’

‘Has Bright been receiving any letters?’ asked Wimsey of Umpelty.

‘Not’ a line, not since he turned up here, anyway.’

‘As for Perkins,’ said Glaisher, ‘we’ll soon get a line on him. Of course, his getting knocked down and laid up like that must have puzzled his accomplices just as much as it puzzled us. There may be a whole correspondence waiting for him at some accommodation address, under another name, in some town or other.’

‘You’ will insist on its being Perkins,’ protested Harriet. ‘You really think Perkins rode a horse bare-backed along the beach and cut a man’s throat to the bone with a razor?’

‘Why not?’ said Umpelty. ‘Does he look like it?’

“‘Do I look like it, said the Knave. Which he certainly did not, being made entirely of cardboard.” I’ve never seen the bloke, but I admit that his description isn’t encouraging.’ Wimsey grinned. ‘But then, you know, friend Henry took me for something in the night-club line,’

Harriet glanced briefly at his lean limbs and springy build.

‘You needn’t fish,’ she said, coldly. ‘We all know that your appearance of langour is assumed and that you are really capable of tying pokers into knots with your artistic fingers. Perkins is flabby and has a neck like a. chicken and those flip-flop hands.’ She turned to Glaisher. ‘I can’t see Perkins in the role of a desperado. Why, your original case against me was a better one.’

Glaisher blinked, but took the thrust stolidly.

‘Yes, miss. It had a lot to; be said for it, that had.’ ‘Of course. Why did you give it up, by the way?’

Some instinct seemed to warn Glaisher that he was treading on thin ice.

‘Well,’ he said, ’it seemed a bit too obvious, so to say and besides, we couldn’t trace any, connection between you and the deceased.’

‘It was wise of you to make inquiries. Because, of course, you had only my word for everything, hadn’t you? And those photographs were evidence that I was pretty coldblooded? And my previous history was rather — shall we say, full of incident?’

‘Just so, miss.’ The Superintendent’s eyes were, expressionless.

‘Of whom did you make the inquiries, by the way?’

‘Of your charwoman,’ said Glaisher.

‘Oh! you think she would know whether I knew Paul Alexis?’

‘In our experience,’ replied the Superintendent, ‘charwomen mostly know things of that sort.’

‘So they do. And you’ve really given up suspecting’ me?’ ‘Oh, dear me, yes.’

‘On my charwoman’s testimony to my character?’