Have His Carcase

‘It’s beginning to look like it, my lord,’ admitted Mr Umpelty, handsomely. ‘Unless, of course, the stuff was paid out to some party, in this country. For instance, suppose Alexis was being blackmailed by someone who wanted to skip. That party might be wanting gold for the very reasons we’ve been talking about, and he might get Alexis to do the job of getting it for him, so that he shouldn’t appear in it himself. Alexis pays up, and goes off the deep end and cuts his throat.’

‘You’re very ingenious,’ said Wimsey. ‘But I still believe I’m right, though if it is a case of murder, it’s been so neatly worked out that there doesn’t seem to be much of a loophole in it. Unless it’s the razor. Look here, Inspector, I’ve got an idea about that razor, if you’ll let me carry it out. Our one hope is to tempt the murderer, if there is one, into making a mistake by trying to be too clever.’

He pushed the glasses aside and whispered into the Inspector’s ear.

‘There’s something in that,’ said Inspector Umpelty. ‘I don’t see why it shouldn’t be tried. It may clinch the matter straight off, one way or another. You’d better ask the Super, but if he’s got no objection, I’d say, go ahead. Why not come round and put it to him straight away?’

On arriving at the police-station, Wimsey and the Inspector found the Superintendent engaged with a crabbed old gentleman in a fisherman’s jersey and boots, who appeared to be suffering under a sense of grievance.

‘Can’t a man take ’is own boat out when he likes and where he likes? Sea’s free to all, ain’t it?’

‘Of course it is, Pollock. But if you were up to no mischief, why take that tone about it? You aren’t denying you were there at the same time, are you? Freddy Baines swears he saw you.’

‘Them Bainses!’ grumbled Mr Pollock. ‘A nasty, peerin’, pryin’ lot. What’s it got to do with them where I was?’

‘Well, you admit it anyhow. What time did you get to the Flat-Iron?’

‘Per’aps Freddy Baines can tell you that, too. ’E zeems to be bloody free with his information.’

‘Never mind that. What time do you say it was?’

‘That ain’t no business of yours. Perlice ’ere, perlice there’—there ain’t no freedom in this blasted country. ‘Ave I or ’ave I not the right to go where I like? Answer me’ that’

‘Look here, Pollock. All we want from you is some in formation. If you’ve got nothing to hide, why not answer a plain question?’

‘Well, what is the question? Were l off the Flat-Iron on Thursday? Yes, I were. Wot about it?’

‘You came along from your own place, I suppose?’

‘Well, I did, if you want to know. Where’s the ‘arm in that?’

‘None whatever. What time did you set out?’

‘About one o’clock. Maybe more; maybe less. Round about the slack.’

‘And you got to the Flat-Iron about two.’

‘Well, and where’s the ‘arm in that?’

‘

‘Did you see anybody on the shore at that time?’

‘Yus, I did.’ ‘You did?’

‘Yus. I’ve got eyes in me’ed,’aven’t I?’

‘Yes. And you may as well have a civil tongue in your head.

Where did you see this person?’

‘On the, shore by, the Vlat Iron-round about two o’clock.’ ‘Were you close enough into see who it was?’

‘No, I weren’t. Not to come into your bleedin’ court and swear to a pimple, I wasn’t; and you can put that in your pipe, Mr Cocky Superintendent, and smoke it.’

‘Well, what did you see?’

‘I zee a vule of a woman, caperin’; about on the beach, goin’ on as if she was loony. She runs a bit an’ stops a bit, an’ pokes, in the sand and then runs on a bit. That’s what I zee.’ ‘I must tell Miss Vane that,’ said Wimsey to the Inspector.

‘It will appeal to her sense of humour.’

‘Oh, you saw a woman, did you? Did you see what she did after that?’.

‘She runs up to the Vlat-Iron an’ starts messin’. About there.’

‘Was there anybody else on the Flat-Iron?’

‘There was a chap lyin’ down. At least, it looked so. ‘And then?’

‘Then she starts a yowlin’ an’ wavin’ her arms.’ ‘Well?’

‘Wells what? I — didn’t take no notice. I never takes no notice of vemayles!’

‘Now, Pollock, did you see anybody else at all on the shore that morning?’

‘Not a zoul.’

‘Were you within sight of shore all the time?’ ‘Yes, I were.’

‘And you saw nobody except this woman and the man lying down?’

‘Ain’t I tellin’ you? I zee nobody.’

‘About this man on the Flat-Iron? Was he lying down when you first saw him?’

‘Yes, he were.’

‘And when did you first see him?’

‘Soon as I come in zight of ’un, I zee un.’

‘When’ was’ that?’

“Ow can ‘ I tell to a minute. Might be a quarter to two, might, be ten minutes to. I wasn’t takin’ perticklers for the perlice. I were attendin’ to my own business, same as I wish other folks would.’

‘What business?’

‘Zailin’ the bloody boat. That’s my business!

‘At any rate, you saw the man some time before you saw the woman, and he was then lying on the rock. Was he dead, do you think, when you first saw him?’

“Ow wur I to know if ’e wur dead or alive? ’E didn’t kiss ’is ‘and to me. And if ’e ’ad, I shouldn’t, a’ seen’un, dye zee? I wur too far out’

‘But you said you were within sight of shore the whole time.’