Have His Carcase

‘Don’t drive with one hand like that suppose anything came along suddenly.’

Henry laughed and patted her leg again.

‘That’s all right, don’t you worry. I’ll look after you, and you’ll look after me, eh? Alliance, offensive and defensive — just between you and me, eh?’

‘Oh, rather!’

‘That’s fine. And when all this stupid business is over, you must come and look Mother and me up. She’s taken a great fancy to you. Get her to bring you along to my place. You’d like it. What about it?’

‘That would be lovely!’ (If Henry wanted to be vamped, she would vamp him.) ‘One gets so tired of the kind of men one meets in London, and the stuffy, restricted, literary kind of surroundings. I don’t suppose you ever come to London, Mr Weldon?’

‘Not often. Don’t care for the place.’

‘Oh! Then it’s no good asking you to call on me.’

‘Isn’t it, though? Of course I’d come and call on you like a shot. Some inducement, eh? Where do you live?’ ‘I’ve got a little flat in Bloomsbury.’ ‘All on your own?’

Yes.’

‘Isn’t that a bit lonesome?’

‘Oh I well of course I have plenty of friends And a woman who comes in for the day. I could give you tea if you cared to come along some time to cheer me up.’

‘That would be sweet of you. We could go and do a show together or something.

‘I should enjoy that’

No — Henry was really too easy. Surely even his colossal vanity could not suppose that he had really made a conquest. Yet there he sat, smiling away and almost audibly purring. No doubt he thought that Harriet Vane was any man’s game. He really imagined that, placed between Lord Peter and himself, a woman could possibly — well, why not? How was he to know? It wouldn’t be the first time that a woman had made a foolish choice. If anything, he was paying her the compliment of supposing that she was not mercenary. Or, horrid — thought, did he expect her to be completely promiscuous?

That was it — he did! He was informing her now, in reasonably plain language, that somebody like himself would be a nice change for her and that he couldn’t make out what a fine woman like herself could see in a fellow like Wimsey. Rage rendered her speechless for a moment; then she began to feel amused. If he thought that, he could be made to believe anything. She could twist men round her little finger, could she? Then she would twist him. She would fool him to the top of his bent.

She begged him not to talk so loudly; Mrs Weldon would overhear him.

This reminder had its effect, and Henry ‘behaved himself’ until their arrival at the spot selected for the picnic compelled him to return to his former attitude of ordinary politeness.

The picnic itself passed off without any remarkable incident, and Henry did not succeed in getting Harriet to himself until, the meal was over and they went to wash up the plates in a little brook that ran close by. Even then, Harriet was able to avoid his advances by sending him to do the washing while she stood by with a dish-cloth. She ordered him about prettily and he obeyed with delighted willingness, tucking up his sleeves and getting down to the job. However, the inevitable moment arrived when he returned with the clean plates and put them into her hands. Then, seizing his opportunity he advanced upon her and clasped her with clumsy gallantry about the body. She dropped the plates and wriggled, pushing his arms away and bending her head down, so that the faithful and long-suffering hat was between them.

Damn it!’ said Henry. ‘You might let a fellow—’

It was then that Harriet became really frightened. She gave a scream which was no mockery, but a really determined yell, and followed it up with a box on the ear that was no butterfly kiss. Henry, astonished, relaxed his grasp for a moment. She broke away from him — and at that moment Mrs Weldon, attracted by the scream, came running to the top of the bank.

‘Whatever is the matter?’

‘I saw a snake!’ said Harriet, wildly. ‘I’m sure it was a viper.

She screamed again, and so did Mrs Weldon who was terrified of snakes. Henry grunting, picked up the fallen plates and told his mother not to be silly.

‘Come back to the car,’ said Mrs Weldon. ‘I won’t stay another moment in this horrid place.’

They went back to the car. Henry looked glum and injured; he felt that he had been badly treated, as indeed he had. But Harriet’s face was white enough to show that she had had a real shock, and she insisted on returning in the back of the car with Mrs Weldon, who made a great fuss over her with a smelling-bottle and ejaculations of horror and sympathy.