Hogfather

     The creature lowered  its head,  stepped  carefully  around her  in  as polite  a  way as  it could manage, and  clanked on  down the  stairs  after Peachy.

     Susan ran on towards the top of the tower.

     Sideney  put a  green filter over his lantern and  pressed  down with a small silver  rod that had  an emerald  set on its tip. A  piece of the lock moved. There was a whirring from inside the door and something went click.

     He sagged  with  relief.  It  is  said  that  the prospect  of  hanging concentrates the  mind  wonderfully,  but  it was Valium  compared  to being watched by Mister Teatime.

     'I,  er, think that's the third lock,'  he  said. 'Green light  is what opens  it. I remember the fabulous lock of the Hall  of Murgle,  which could only be opened by the Hubward wind, although that was...'

     'I commend your expertise,' said Teatime. 'And the other four?'

     Sideney looked up nervously at the silent bulk of Banjo, and licked his lips.

     'Well,  of course, if  I'm  right,  and  the  locks  depend  on certain conditions,  well,  we could be  here  for years...' he ventured. 'Supposing they can only be opened by, say, a small blond  child holding a mouse?  On a Tuesday? In the rain?'

     'You can find out what the nature of the spell is?' said Teatime.

     'Yes, yes,  of  course, yes.' Sideney waved his hands urgently. 'That's how  I worked out  this one.  Reverse thaumaturgy, yes,  certainly.  Er.  In time.'

    'We have lots of time,' said Teatime.

     'Perhaps  a  little  more  time  than  that,'  Sideney  quavered.  'The processes are very, very, very... difficult.'

     'Oh, dear.  If it's too  much for you, you've  only got  to  say,' said Teatime.

     'No!' Sideney yipped, and then  managed to get some self-control. 'No. No. No, I can... I'm sure I shall work them out soon...'

     'Jolly good,' said Teatime.

     The  student wizard  looked down. A wisp of vapour oozed from the crack between the doors.

     'Do you know what's in here, Mister Teatime?' 'No.'

     'Ah.  Right.'  Sideney  stared  mournfully  at  the fourth lock. It was amazing how much you remembered when someone like Teatime was around.

     He gave  him a nervous look. 'There's not going to be any  more violent deaths, are  there?'  he  said. 'I  just  can't  stand the sight  of violent deaths!'

     Teatime put  a  comforting arm around his shoulders. 'Don't worry,'  he said. 'I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you.'

     'Mister Teatime?'

     He turned. Medium Dave stepped onto the landing.

     'Someone else is in  the tower,' he said. 'They've got Catseye. I don't know  how.  I've got  Peachy watching  the  stairs  and I  ain't  sure where Chickenwire is.'

     Teatime looked back to Sideney, who started prodding at the fourth lock again in a feverish attempt not to die.

     'Why are you telling me? I thought I was paying  you big  strong men  a lot of money to deal with this sort of thing.'

     Medium Dave's  lips framed some words, but  when he  spoke he said, 'Ah right, but what are we up against here? Eh? Old  Man Trouble or the bogeyman or what?'

     Teatime sighed.

     'Some of the Tooth Fairy's employees, I assume,' he said.

     'Not if they're like the ones that were  here,' said Medium Dave. 'They were just civilians. It looks like the ground opened  and  swallowed Catseye up.' He thought about  this. 'I mean  the ceiling,' he  corrected himself. A horrible image had just passed across his under-used imagination.

     Teatime walked  across to the stairwell and looked down. Far below, the pile of teeth looked like a white circle.

     'And the girl's gone,' said Medium Dave.

     'Really? I thought I said she should be killed.'

     Medium Dave  hesitated. The boys had been brought up by Ma Lilywhite to be respectful to women as  delicate and  fragile creatures, and were soundly thrashed if  disrespectful  tendencies  were perceived  by  Ma's  incredibly sensitive radar. And  it was  truly incredibly sensitive. Ma could hear what you were doing three rooms away, a terrible thing for a growing lad.

     That sort of thing leaves a mark. Ma Lilywhite certainly  could. As for the others, they had no objections in practice to the disposal of anyone who got between them  and large  sums of money, but there was a general unspoken resentment at being told by Teatime  to kill  someone just because he had no further use for them.  It wasn't  that it was unprofessional. Only Assassins thought like that. It was just that there were things you did do, and things you didn't do. And this was one of the things you didn't do.

     'We thought... well, you never know...'

     'She wasn't necessary,' said Teatime. 'Few people are.'

     Sideney thumbed hurriedly through his notebooks.

     'Anyway, the place is a maze-' Medium Dave said.

     'Sadly, this is so,' said Teatime. 'But I am sure they will be able  to find us. It's probably too much to hope that they intend something heroic.'

     Violet and the oh god hurried down the stairs.

     'Do you know how to get back?' said Violet.

     'Don't you?'

     'I think there's a... a kind of soft  place. If you walk at it  knowing it's there you go through.'